It's A Love Story
by Sarah501B
Summary: E/O. Not related to Taylor Swift's song, in case it crosses somebody's mind. Their story through the 12 years and more. The rating may change in the future, I'm not sure. Chapter 21 is up!
1. Protection

_**A/N: I decided to write this because I've been there. I have been through a situation when you're such good friends with someone that everybody thinks you are dating, and when you tell them you're not, they don't believe it and/or say you should be. Since I've been there, I can tell you for sure that there's love involved. Maybe El and Liv aren't really in love with each other, but no one can deny they feel something else. So if you're gonna be here and give me an anonymous review telling me how ridiculous this is, screw you.  
Some chapters (such as the first one) may contain parts of the show – I don't own these parts, or the characters.  
This chapter is related to Stalked (season 1, episode 8); there's a small prologue before the actual story, I hope you enjoy it.**_

****

**PROLOGUE**

- Sex Crimes?

- Olivia Benson.

- Elliot Stabler.

They were partners, this was clear in the sync they moved, in the way their thoughts seemed to complete each other during the analysis of the crime scene and the body… At the same time they were so different and fulfilled each other, like yin and yang.

But there was something else. Yes, indeed. Something you didn't see often even in those who were partners for many years. A mix of caring, endearment, friendship, confidence… Love. Not necessarily the romantic kind, but love.

****

The squad room felt tense. The detectives were giving their best so there was enough evidence to arrest Richard White, and as if it wasn't enough that the bastard was meticulous enough to avoid this, now Olivia had become his favorite target. First, he had dug into her past and, during an interrogation, he put everything on the table: her father, what he had done to Serena, and other less crucial information which did their job to scare not only Olivia, but the whole 1-6.

- You know she'll never agree with this.

- She doesn't have to know.

- Elliot, she is a detective and as her partner you should know how good she is at her job. Add this to the paranoia both you and I know White let her in, and do you truly believe she won't notice a number of familiar faces everywhere she goes to?

- Don't make it _a number_ of faces, then.

- What do you mean? – Donald Cragen was visibly shocked.

- Cancel the tactic force. I can take care of her alone.

- Elliot…

- Captain, I'm just as concerned as anyone else in here – "Maybe even more", Elliot thought, knowing he should avoid these feelings –, plus she is not afraid of me.

The next day, Olivia was having breakfast when someone knocked on the door. She panicked at first, but one second was enough for her to calm down.

- Who is it?

- Elliot – she opens the door. – Hi, one of your neighbors let me in. I was in the neighborhood and figured I could give you a ride.

- Elliot, what's going on? Last night Munch offered to give me a lift home…

- Much did that? – He made a huge effort to look surprised.

- Yeah, that's not like him, is it? And then this morning you're offering to drive me to work? "In the neighborhood"?

- I was.

- Yeah. Do you have the sedan with you?

- Yes.

"In the neighborhood, my ass!"

- Which means you drove all the way uptown from the Queensborough, dropped off your car, picked the sedan turned aroundall the way downtown to get here. That's a lot of neighborhood, my friend.

- Stop acting like a cop – he said, coming inside.

- Uhuh, that's what Richard White wants me to do. Look, I appreciate your concern, but we don't know whether he's coming after. He may have left town as far as we know.

- All right.

- I sure as hell wouldn't drive all the way from Queens to save your ass.

- Yeah, you would – he insisted, and took a sip from her juice.

- Maybe because you've got wife and kids – she agreed, putting the coat on while Elliot's phone rang.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Stabler. We'll be right there.

Louise Billings's house was a mess. After talking to the responsible from Homicides and questioning the witness, they both left. Olivia couldn't believe it.

- Should have seen it coming. White had a picture of her on the freezer, he wasn't waiting to throw it out on dinner . He was fixed on her.

- We're not seers.

- We could have offered her protection, isn't that our job? Protecting? Serving?

- Yeah, if there were eight millions of us, we could protect everyone in the city and everyone would be able to sleep at night.

- Are you gonna sleep tonight, Elliot? Or you're gonna think about her?

"No", Elliot thought, his thoughts betraying him once again, and sighed. "I shouldn't, but I'm more worried about you".

It didn't get any better. Two dozens of red roses delivered at the squad the following morning, with a card saying "No hard feelings" just like happened to Louise Billings and the realter Phillips, everything right after Olivia nearly had an argument with the captain, who wanted her to be on desk duty. The flower shop said the flowers were pai on Lila White's credit card, and the woman seemed convinced that her son was caught under the spell of a Manhattan policewoman. She couldn't have been more right and more wrong at the same time – the interest was everything but romantic. That night, Elliot created the "blink the lights if everything is fine" pattern, which Olivia followed, even a month after White was in jail, whenever Elliot would let her home.

The phone ringing in the middle of the night got her scared. Olivia and Richard would meet at 7am in the same bench from where Karen Fitzgerald was dragged to death and, despite receiving opposite orders from the perp, Olivia immediately called her superior, who had the whole squad hidden around the bench at the time chosen.

Without a confession about using or not the .44 to kill the DA Fizgerald, White would escape from the death penalty and he knew that. Confident, he threatened Kathy and Elliot's four kids, and Olivia was relieved in seeing that her partner hasn't lost control. At least not yet.


	2. Guardian Angel

_**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed or just read the previous chapter; if you haven't reviewed, please don't be shy this time. I don't bite! :D  
My apologies, last chapter was displayed kinda messily, but I'm working on it. Also a special thanks to SteffieDawn and Joei Cassidy (best smut writer ever!) who taught me how to separate two parts of a chapter. You should check their stories, by the way (:  
Some things about chapter 1 made a few people confused, so let's make it clear:  
**__**QUOTATION MARKS**__** will be used for thoughts. **__**A HYPHEN IN THE BEGINNING OF A PARAGRAPH**__** means somebody's speaking. I'm sorry if anyone else was confused and didn't mention it, I just didn't realize that this could happen – I'm used to it because I learned to write that way. If there are any mistakes (grammar, verb tenses…) please do tell me.  
This chapter is slightly related to "Bad Blood" (season 1, episode 11) so, I don't own the parts of the show that may be on this chapter (far less than in chapter 1!), and I don't own the characters either. I do own, however, the rest of the storyline on this one.  
Before we go on with the story, in "Bad Blood" John finds out that Liv's mom was raped. Just to make sure we're all on the same page here.**_

**OLIVIA'S APARTMENT**

Olivia was sitting on her couch, staring at the old files she was holding.

If one day she had wondered that somebody would do such thing to her, this somebody certainly was not John Munch. It was not like he didn't care – he was a great man and made everybody laugh with his conspiracy theories –, but that was completely unexpected.

Whoever walked into the precinct that day would have thought that everyone was on desk duty. They were supposed to update their information in order to keep the health insurance, and that included answering a questionnaire about their families' diseases and various health problems. Munch was complaining and presenting theories as he passed behind Olivia to get some coffee, and said "She had the right idea: keep the 'father' column in blank". Only after Elliot got pretty mad at the sergeant and told him the truth did Munch understand the situation. Stuck in remorse, he started hunting details that Olivia might have not known. The tape she had in her hands now was her mother's statement recorded at the precinct, and Olivia had already heard it numerous times since the moment John handed it to her. Olivia slid the tape inside the tape player and pressed the "play" button. She hadn't listened to half of the statement yet, but an angry voice got her out of her thoughts.

- What the hell do you think you're doing?

Olivia turned to the voice and froze.

- Mom.

_Fuck_. Who, of all people, had let Serena inside the apartment when Olivia wasn't home? Well, whoever it was, the detective thought, either wasn't scared of dying or felt no pity picturing what Serena could do to her daughter.  
Olivia analyzed the woman in front of her: the clothes were slightly creased, the hair was messy, and she was getting out of the bedroom… The woman could have been asleep, except for the bottle in her right hand. Of course she was drunk. She probably told the doorman it was an emergency.

- Tell me, Olivia, what do you want, huh? – Serena said, getting closer to her daughter.  
- Mom, I just…  
- Do you want to know? Is that it? Do you want to know how it felt having… That man inside me until he came and gave me you?  
- No, I… - Olivia was so close to tears now.  
- Well, you no longer need your police skills. I can tell you – Serena's tone was venomous. – It hurt so much. Every touch felt like being stabbed. Every time he… I just wanted to die. I needed no doctor to tell me I was pregnant – the two women were face to face now. – They never got him. They never got him and you knew that.  
- Mom, I…  
- YOU KNEW THAT AND YOU JOINED THEM ANYWAY! – Merciless, Serena crashed the bottle she was holding against her daughter's waist, smashing the glass.

Olivia fell down to her knees, holding back the tears. It was just like before: her only mistake was being born – and, apparently, trying to avoid that other women went through what her mother had to –, and now she felt extremely guilty for something she hadn't been able to agree with. But now Olivia was no longer a frightened and remorseful teenager.

- Get out of my house – she demanded as soon as she managed to stay on her feet.  
- What?  
- Now. Or would you rather have me arresting you for trespassing and assault?

They stared at each other for a few moments and, knowing she had no choice, Serena left, slamming the door behind her. Olivia falls down to the floor once again, and it takes all of her strength to reach for the phone.

- 911, what's your emergency?  
- This is detective Olivia Benson, Manhattan SVU, badge number 4015…

**SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT SQUAD ROOM, FOLLOWING MORNING**

- Where's Liv? – Elliot looked around, looking for his partner.  
- Home for today, not feeling well – said Don Cragen from his office's door. – Elliot, a word, please.

The blue-eyed detective followed his captain into the office, closing the door behind him.

- Have a seat – the older man offered kindly.  
- Uh… Thanks, I'll stand.

Don sighed, understanding – Olivia was usually the one to have a seat. The captain took a breath, but Elliot spoke before him.

- She's not home, is she?  
- Last night I got a call – Don continued as if Elliot had kept silent. – It was from the emergency service. Someone called them and when the ambulance got to its destination, they found the victim passed out over a pool of blood. There was a wound on the right side of the body, on the waist, and there was shattered glass on the floor, aside from a broken bottle.

Elliot didn't need to think twice to put it together.

- That's why she's not here today, right?  
- Since the victim lost a lot of blood they took her to Mercy General.

Elliot got the hidden demand, nodded and left.

**MERCY GENERAL HOSPITAL, ROOM 537**

Olivia heard the knock on the door, but closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep. Whoever it was, the person got inside, not bothered with the lack of answer, and sighed. God, she must be looking really awful. But a feather light hand put a strand of brown hair behind her ear, and it was enough for Olivia to relax. She wasn't able to resist the impulse of moving in the bed and sighed.

- Liv – Elliot whispered –, are you awake?

Slowly, Olivia opened her eyes, and they both smiled.

- Hi, El – she said, closing her eyes while he kissed her forehead. – I'm glad you're here.  
- Were you awake when I knocked on the door? – he asked gently.  
- Yes – she admitted, feeling shy. – I'm sorry, I thought it was some…  
- Your mother? – he interrupted.

Her brown eyes filled with tears, Olivia nodded. Elliot simply waited, listening very carefully.

- I had just arrived home, I was sitting on the couch reading the file Much got and… When I started listening to her statement she got out of my bedroom. I told the doorman once that she wasn't allowed in if I wasn't home, but she probably said it was an emergency… She was drunk and started yelling, she asked me if I wanted to know… – Elliot just listened, feeling pitiful. – She said that every time he… It was like being stabbed. She also said she knew she was pregnant even before the doctor told her – at this point, Olivia had stopped fighting the tears. – And then she started screaming about how I joined the police knowing that he had never been to jail… As if I had betrayed her, as if I was on the enemy's side.

Elliot hugged her, stroking Olivia's back while she sobbed. After a long while, she calmed down, but they didn't let go of each other until they were distracted by a knock on the door.

- Olivia, sweetie, it's me. Please, open the door.

Olivia's eyes flew open and she was very scared, but Elliot was quick.

- Lay down and close your eyes – he whispered, and Olivia obeyed him as he walked towards the door. – Mrs. Benson – he greeted the woman standing in the hallway.  
- Detective Stabler – Serena greeted him with a nod and laughed softly. – It's funny that _you_ are the one next to _my_ daughter when I don't even know she's in a hospital.  
- Mrs. Benson, I…  
- Serena, please.  
- As you wish. Serena, she spent the night here, Cragen only told me when I got to the precinct this morning. I thought you already knew and I was really surprised I didn't see you around – Elliot lied in the last part; it would do no harm to save his partner from being possibly beaten again.  
- And can't I see her? What are you, a cop? – Both laughed at the joke.  
"No, mom", Olivia thought. "He's an angel, my guardian angel".  
- Uh, sure, of course you can, it's just that… – Elliot stepped aside so Serena could walk inside. – The doctors said she'll be out for a few more hours, maybe until tomorrow. They sedated her because of the wounds.  
- What happened? – Serena was dying to caress her daughter, but also felt afraid to hurt her more.  
- An accident. She was passed out in the floor with shattered glass around her. I think she tripped and, as she was falling, she accidentally brought a vase with her. Or glasses – again, Elliot lied blatantly. – She fell over the glass, that's why she has wounds.

Olivia needed all her will power to keep her face expression neutral. She knew her mother was around. Serena sighed.

- I'll give you a minute – Elliot said, and left.  
- Oh, baby, I'm so so sorry… But that's no longer enough, is it?  
"No, it's not, mom".  
- This partner of yours, Elliot… If only there were more men like him out there. He's a great person.  
"I know, mom. I know".

**PHONE CALL**

_- Cragen.  
_ - Cap, it's me. Liv is conscious, a little wounded, but physically she's okay.  
_ - Are you with her?  
_ - No, uh… Her mother is. I know it's reckless, but I had no choice.  
_ - What were your explanations?  
_ - I made up a few things, gave some excuses, and also a bit of truth. No harm.  
_ - How is Liv dealing?  
_ - I don't think she's dealing at all, cap. When I arrived she pretended to be asleep until I… Until I identified myself – Elliot thought it would be embarrassing to say Olivia had recognized his touch. – Since her mother has come, she didn't open her eyes – Don sighed.  
_ - Take the day off and stay with her. Take care of her, Elliot, and get rid of her mother as fast as you can._  
- I will, cap. Goodbye.

**ROOM 537**

- Mrs. Benson? – Elliot called, knocking on the door and getting inside. – Like I said, Liv will be sedated until tomorrow, so if you allow me I suggest that you go on with your day. My wife Kathy is a nurse here in Mercy and I asked her to warn you if anything changes

Serena nodded – there was a place she needed to be, anyway – and got up, heading to the door.

- Thank you, Elliot – she said before leaving.  
- So Kathy has changed her place of work, huh? – The playful voice asked right after the door was closed. Katherine Stabler, Elliot's wife, was a nurse, but she worked at St. Louis Hospital.  
- She doesn't have to know – Elliot answered with a smile.  
- Agreed – they laughed. – Thank you, El. You didn't have to lie that way because of me.  
- I'm your partner. That's what I'm here for, to support you.  
- I just hope you don't get in trouble with the old man upstairs; lying is a sin after all – she smiled.  
- Nah, He'll understand. I had a very good reason – Elliot smiled back.


	3. Confessions

_**A/N: Sooooooooo here I am! This chapter is quite an emotional one, but I really enjoyed writing it, and I hope you guys like it as well. I've been working a lot on further chapters (not the immediate next ones, though), I just had some amazing ideas which I couldn't let fade away. This chapter is a lot about Serena, so be prepared.  
I do not own any parts of the show that may be present in this chapter. I don't own the characters (except for the shrink, specifically in this one). I do own, however, the rest of the storyline.  
Amanda4Meloni, I still didn't get any ideas on how your request fits in this story, but I sure as hell will try!  
On with the story (:**_

* * *

**THE HOLY FAMILY CHURCH**

The room with the chairs disposed on a circle disturbed Serena as much as the other times she had been there. But now more than ever she needed help and she knew it.  
"She had to go to the _hospital_, Serena. She lost so much blood that she needed sedatives, and no one told you because they know it's your fault".  
Serena got back to the real world from her thoughts when a blond man walked into the room and everyone started taking their seats. She just followed suit.

- So... – the shrink said in an encouraging tone. – Who wants to start with it today? – Serena raised her hand. – Please – he answered with a motion of the hand.  
- Uh... Hello... Uh... My name is Serena Benson, and...  
- Well, Serena, why don't you tell us what brings you here today? – The shrink suggested politely after Serena hesitated for a few moments.  
- Fine. 25 years ago I was leaving the college library at night... It was very dark. By the half of the way, I was hit in the back and blacked out. This man dragged me do a nearby alley and... Raped me.  
- Did you go to the police?  
- Yes... I did the rape kit, gave my statement, but since I couldn't take a look at his face and there was no such thing as DNA at the time, he walked away with it. When I took the rape kit exam, the doctor gave me morning-after pills, but I didn't have the guts to take it. I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that I could have killed an innocent baby. And nine months later Olivia was born – Serena was no longer holding back the tears.  
- That's when you started drinking – it wasn't a question.  
- Yes. From the moment she was born everybody said she was the spitting image of me, but I couldn't avoid looking at her and seeing... Him. I hated her for that even though I knew she was innocent. The older Olivia grew, the more I drank... And when she was in her mid-teens I was drunk almost every night... I would hit her... Over and over... But I got a little better when she became an adult, especially after she joined the SVU team. I knew she felt guilty and wanted to avoid that other families went through what we did. A few weeks ago, we were having lunch together and she told me that she hates her father for what he did to me. I answered that if he hadn't, she wouldn't be here, and I think it was the nicest thing I ever said to her in years. But yesterday I fucked everything up.  
- What happened?  
- I was very, very drunk. I'm not allowed into her apartment when she's not home, but I told the doorman it was an emergency and he let me in. I only realized she had arrived when I heard voices. My voice – Serena was now sobbing and crying very hard. – She was listening to the record of the statement I gave when... I got so mad, I freaked out. I said horrible things to her. I asked if she wanted to know how... How It felt having him... And I told her she no longer needed the police skills because I was going to tell her everything. I accused her of betraying me. "They never got him, and you know it, and you joined them anyway", that's what I said. I had a bottle in my hand and when I got myself together again I had smashed the bottle against her waist, and she was threatening to send me to jail for trespassing and assault. I think I deserved that, at the end of the day.  
- Nobody ever deserves this, Serena. Both of you were sad and hurt, it's okay. What happened next?  
- She just wanted to help... Well, I left, what was I supposed to do? – She laughed with no humor. – I woke up with the phone ringing. My daughter was, is, at the hospital. Her partner, another detective, was there with her when I arrived. He said that it had been an accident and that he thought I already knew and also that I would be there. Oh, God, I'm a horrible mother, everyone knows it's my fault.  
- Did he say it is your fault? Did anybody say that?  
- No, but I know that...  
- No, Serena, you don't – the shrink interrupted politely. – Unless you're a mind reader.  
- No, I'm not.  
- That's what I thought. If anybody besides your daughter and your family knows what happened to you, they know it was _not_ your fault. They know you did _not_ choose this to happen. Nobody does. As for your daughter, you love her, don't you?  
- Yes, of course.  
- Despite what you've been through for her to be born, even though you had the opportunity to finish her life, you chose to let her live, you chose to take care of her, and you love her, don't you?  
- Yes.  
- Because you know she's innocent in the middle of this whole mess. Good people aren't able to live with the blame of killing and innocent person and you, Serena, you are a good woman. A good woman who has been through horrible things. You may not agree with that now, but it's true, and the fact that you are here today is the proof – Serena nodded. – Well, guys, that's all for today, congratulations for fighting, and remember: one day at a time – Everyone clapped and cheered and, one by one, all people left.


	4. What A Night

_**A/N: Thanks everyone for the reviews, and I'm so sorry for the delay. I've had some busy days, but now I have some free time.  
Again, I do not own Law & Order SVU or its characters. I don't own parts of the show that may be in this chapter, either. The storyline, however, is mine.**_

* * *

The case they had closed on that day was a hard one. A fifteen-year-old girl had been raped by the older boy who was her date to the prom. Maureen, Olivia knew, had also been invited by a senior, and just because Elliot had allowed her to go and everything had gone fine, it didn't mean that now, hidden in the cribs, he wouldn't think of his older daughter. Munch and Cassidy were talking about closing the victorious Friday at a bar, and Olivia went upstairs to invite her partner.

- El?

- In here.

- Munch and Cassidy want to go to that new bar on the 35th Street – she informed gently while she was walking to him –, and I was wondering if you'd like to join us – she got on her knees next to him.

Elliot looked powerless, sitting on the floor, hugging his legs with his head between his knees, and Olivia felt extremely sorry for him.

- El... It's okay, he's in jail now. We did it. _You_ did it.

Elliot took a deep breath.

- My daughter looked stunning that night – he started talking, knowing there was no use in trying to hide from Olivia; she would see everything through his eyes. – I was jealous out of my mind; it was like realizing all over again that she was no longer the little girl who would run to me afraid of the monsters under her bed, but I swear that was all. I never thought I would have to worry that she could end up at a hospital in such situation, not after a school dance.

- And you did _not_ have to, Elliot. Everything was fine and that's all that matters. And when the time comes, Kathleen and Lizzie will also be safe. Their father taught them well – she smiled, and Elliot smiled back, thankful. – Come on, let's celebrate – she said, standing up.

Elliot grabbed her right hand, the one Olivia was holding out to him, and laid a small kiss on it. The action sent shivers through Olivia's entire body, but she managed to disguise it.

- Thank you, Liv – he muttered, his lips still touching her skin.

**THE SILVERGOLD BAR**

It was already 11pm, but, since it was a Friday, the bar was still crowded. The six detectives and Cragen, who refused to put the job of twenty years in the AA at risk but also wanted to celebrate and was having a soda, were talking and having fun. However, an uncomfortably familiar face got Olivia's attention. Giving her excuses and saying she was going to the bathroom, the detective stood up and followed the face, which was now moving outside, towards the smoking area. When she finally made it outside and saw the place was empty, Olivia shrugged. She figured she had not seen it straight and turned around to go inside the bar again.

- Well, well, Olivia. Are you leaving already?

It had to be him. The voice haunted her for weeks. But at the same time Olivia couldn't believe it. She was so not ready to face him – God, she hadn't even thought that she might have to face him again after trial. Even so, she turned around and faced him.

- Richard – she struggled to keep her voice ironic.

- It's been so long... But it seems like it was yesterday. I missed you.

- Yeah, tell me about it.

- But I'm afraid we don't have much time together, darling.

- No, we really don't. The guys at Rikers will love to know you ran away. Maybe they send you to Alaska.

- Aggressive – he said, smiling. – Though I must say I prefer submission; but that's not one of your many talents, is it, Olivia, dear?

- It's Detective Benson!

Olivia was terrified. She wanted to know who let White out of jail, but at the same she felt she would never know – he would slice her throat like he couldn't do that day in the park. But the angry and, even though Olivia didn't realize it, shaky voice, calmed her down, and she turned around.

If anybody ever asked her, Olivia would deny it until her dying day – it was such a tacky, childish thing to Bad-Ass Benson – but, if she was careful, she could see, instead of the usual shirt and tie Elliot would usually dress to work, a silver shiny armor knight riding a white horse. She was safe.

- Detective Stabler.

- It was stupid from you to come here tonight, White – Elliot approached, holding his gun in position. – We're in seven cops more than willing to put you back behind bars. Up against the wall – He stopped in front of Olivia, taking her off White's field of vision.

Protecting her.

- There's no use in arresting me, you know – White said while Elliot cuffed him and read his rights. – I'm in her head forever. Besides... – He stopped in front of Olivia. – I have no hard feelings.

- Go to hell – she answered, and Elliot pulled him, going around the bar towards the street.

Cragen and the others were waiting for them, along with a police car.

- I'll ride with him – Cragen announced. – You guys enjoy the rest of your night.

- Captain, I...

- Liv – he raised his right hand, signaling her to stop. – Please.

Olivia sighed, but gave in. She didn't want to be in that place anymore, not even for a single second, but she didn't want to give people the chance to talk, either. Sensing the inside battle his partner was going through while everyone was walking back into the bar, Elliot went next to her, put his left hand on the small of her back and said:

- Thirty minutes – even though his voice was low, it was firm in the promise. – Thirty more minutes and I promise that if you still want to leave, I get you out of here.

Olivia nodded in answer and followed the other detectives.

Thirty minutes passed, not a single second more, and through this time Olivia managed to behave normally. Elliot stood up.

- Well, guys, it felt good to chill out but daddy duty calls me. Liv, do you still want that ride or will you get a cab? – Olivia knew this was her hint.

- I want it, El, thank you – she stood up, grabbed her coat and they left after saying goodbye.

**UPPER WEST SIDE**

On their way, Elliot and Olivia did small talk and said how lucky they were, being able to close the case so fast. They were now parked in front of her building.

- So, uh... Do you wanna come up? Or is daddy duty really calling you? – She smiled.

- Not exactly; my kids are probably fast asleep... But I figured you'd like some peace – he said gently.

Olivia lowered her head, ashamed that he knew her so well, but, when she felt Elliot's hand in her face, she couldn't help but smile, tilting her head towards it, and give a sigh.

- Take care.

- I will.

- Oh, and, when you get upstairs, you know the drill, right? – He asked when she was ready to leave the car.

- Yes – she took his hand, and it was Elliot's turn to feel full of sweetness. – Thank you, El.

The blue eyes followed his partner while she left the car, crossed the street and got inside the building, then got straight towards the 4th floor windows. About a minute later, the lights go on. Elliot waits one... Two... Three... Four... Almost five more minutes, reaches for his gun in his belt, getting out of the car. He sees the lights blink twice, however, and calms down. He goes into the car again, puts the gun back to his belt, and as soon as he closes the door, his cell phone buzzes in his pocket. It's a text message.

"_I checked it room by room, sorry it took so long. Sweet dreams. Liv"._

Elliot sighs in relief and starts the engine.


	5. A Shadow Against Bright Light

_**A/N: I'm sorry for the delay, guys! It's just that my mom has been through a surgery and I've been held responsible for her until next weekend; on the 16**__**th**__** she'll be back to work and I can become a full-time writer and SVU fan again LOL. Anyway, thank you for the reviews and for your patience! This chapter is slightly related to "Slaves" (S01EP22) and "Wrong Is Right" (S02EP01) – the first psych eval, do you remember?  
This chapter is far from perfect, but I just had to go through it, I mean, El and Liv facing the possibility of losing each other for the first time? I just couldn't let it go.  
I do not own Law & Order SVU, its characters or any plot lines that may show up in this or any other chapter but I do own this story.**_

* * *

**UPPER WEST SIDE, OLIVIA'S APARTMENT**

"– _Could you tell me your name?_

_- Olivia._

_- Olivia – The young man repeated. – Four syllables. It's Greek, means 'olive tree' – he smiled."_

Up until this day, about a year and countless victims later, Olivia wasn't able to forget this scene.

They had been investigating a pedophilia case, and the boy with whom she had had that small conversation had been a victim as a child – by the time this conversation took place, he was twenty-one. Elliot and the boy's mother went to another room to talk more privately, which led Olivia to talk to the kid and therefore understand how traumatized he was. She didn't remember details of the case – there had been so many other cases, some worst, some just as bad... All she could remember is that somewhere in Manhattan there was a very intelligent, handsome and traumatized young man.

Letting a victim have such an effect on her for such a long time was a huge lack of professionalism, and it inevitably happened to all the squad – Cassidy and Briscoe had put in their papers to get transferred even though they had been in the team for less than a year. It was possible that this "lack of professionalism", which was unacceptable to IAB even though they couldn't help it happening sometimes, took them to the present situation.

The four detectives and the captain had been submitted to an unexpected psychological evaluation and, even though they weren't helpful in the beginning, all of them fell apart while facing their worst dramas of the past and nightmares. Someone would have to quit.

The sergeant John Munch, amid his loneliness-post-fourth-divorce and the craziest conspiracy theories, apparently was harmless and perfectly able to keep calm during investigations. Don Cragen, the detectives were the only ones who knew – as well as the whole IAB now –, was an alcoholic in recovery. Twenty years keeping clean and attending AA meetings whenever was possible took him back to the gold aisle with IAB Officers and the captain was out of danger. And so was an Olivia who was completely tormented by her past. Of course she couldn't know for sure, but she would bet that the IAB had the same opinion she did: her horrible past was her fuel to keep seeking justice for the victims.

Monique and Elliot were a different story. Father to four children, Olivia's partner expressed clearly his wish to kill perps and walk away with it. Any jury would take care of that if the Homicides' DA ever had the guts to prosecute him, Olivia was damn sure, but the IAB psychiatrist saw Elliot as a violent man out of control.

Monique Jeffries was in serious trouble, too. She said she had slept with a former suspect and, working in SVU, that meant she was a risk to herself. Now, both Monique and Elliot would go through private sessions with Doctor Skoda, who would write detailed reports to IAB, and then the Morris Commission would come, but that would be a job for Don Cragen.

Even though she didn't show it, Olivia was afraid for her partner – despite his years as a Marine, being a cop was everything Elliot knew. He would be lost should he lose his badge and, honestly, so would Olivia if she lost him. They had been working together for one year and a few months by now, but Olivia was already highly dependent on him.

**STABLER HOUSE**

Elliot was not feeling any better than his partner. He had snapped at Alex Cabot, the new ADA, but because she had been such a bitch, putting his psych eval on the table, Cragen stood by his side and everything was fine with the DA's Office. That made Elliot glad and thankful towards the captain: he already had enough trouble without Arthur Branch kicking his ass because he had been rude with the rookie. Jeffries had already been assigned to desk duty and Cragen had told him his job was at risk. Truth to be told, he was very scared.

Maureen was also taking his sleep away these days. There was this boy, Michael, who had been sexually abused by his tutor since he was 8 until the day Michael killed him and set him – his crotch, to be more specific – on fire. Elliot had gone to pick Maureen up at a beach party and they were on their way home when they ran into some uniformed cops trying to fight the fire. Elliot had told his daughter to stay inside the car, close the windows and lock the doors, but curiosity got the best of her and now she was being haunted, she would have nightmares about what she had seen... When she could manage to sleep, that is.

But obviously his concerns were far beyond his family. There was Olivia. Aside from her drunken mother, his partner had no one to look after her. It was his duty on job, a duty he fulfilled as a full-time activity even though it could be dangerous – as partners, they were supposed to be close, but not so close that their personal lives were affected by each other. Hell, if they would stick to all of IAB's rules they were not even supposed to be best friends and that was just impossible. Olivia was... Olivia was amazing. He was dependent on her. He couldn't stand the thought of losing her.

Kathy was cooking dinner, helped by Maureen, when the phone rang. It was Cragen. He had to cover his right ear with his finger when Maureen called Kathleen and the twins, but nothing could stop the rush inside his head when he hung off the phone. His wife and his older kid were looking at him expectantly.

- Well...? – Kathy encouraged him.

- Morris Commission cleared me.

Oh, what a happy dinner that was.

But he couldn't wait to tell Olivia. He wanted to drop everything at his house and rush to Upper West Side, run to the 4th floor of the already too familiar building and put her door down if he needed to, but he just had to tell her, he had to let her know that everything was going to be okay now, that nothing was going to split them up... However, he somehow managed to control these thoughts and feelings until it was time to go to bed.

- Kath, I... – he said, sitting on the edge of the bed. – God, I'm so happy – he gave a broad smile.

- Me, too, El. But isn't there anyone else with who you should share this awesome news? – Elliot just gazed at his wife, shocked. – She's your best friend. And also your partner. Go – she whispered happily.

**UPPER WEST SIDE**

It had been the fastest drive on Elliot's life for sure. But damn it, he was so happy and there was hardly any traffic... Everything seemed to be working on his favor. Wanting to surprise her, Elliot used his keys to get in the building and ran upstairs. Barely managing to control his breath, he knocked on the door. He heard movement inside and tried to calm down and put up a serious expression. Olivia opened the door quickly and just by looking at her Elliot could tell she was preparing for goodbye.

- Elliot.

- Liv, I... – He sighed, no longer able to hold his smile. – They cleared me, Liv. They cleared me!

Olivia couldn't hold a happy exclamation and gave him a hug, almost jumping on his arms. They both let some relieved tears out. The dynamic duo was back for good and nothing could split them up. It didn't matter if there was a dangerous situation, an especially violent, vicious, sick perp or just another psych eval, they would be each other's strength and get over everything.

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_**A/N: Next chapter we jump a few months on time for some fluffy moments!**_


	6. Her Christmas Miracle

_**A/N: Hello guys! Thank you for your reviews. Like I said, we jump a few months in time with this chapter, so please be warned in order not to be confused. I was supposed to introduce in this chapter a character that only gets to the show later, but there's a reason for it so I changed my mind.  
Joei Cassidy – thank you for the hints! I haven't watched all the seasons yet (I'm working on it!) so I didn't know about John, I'm sorry, it's just that I read "sergeant Munch" everywhere and I assumed he already was one when the show started. As for the text messages, I feel like I'm not from this world when it comes to technology; it was late 90s early 2000s and I assumed that since they were cops the state made sure they were one step ahead the normal people when it came to technology. My apologies and, once again, thank you!  
I do not own Law & Order SVU or its characters. I do not own the song (you will see! I hope you like it!), I just borrowed it from Mrs. Celine Dion. But I do own the storyline.**_

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**STABLER HOUSE**

It was Christmas time, and at the Stabler family's house, Elliot and Kathy were talking while drinking wine, enjoying the rare, peaceful moments they had at home.

- El?

- Yes, Kath?

- How's Olivia?

- Bad, I think, Kath. She still refuses to talk about it.

- You should invite her to spend Christmas with us.

- Kath, Liv does not...

- Yes, Elliot, I know she doesn't believe in God and that she and Serena seldom had a decent Christmas celebration – Kathy seemed upset, but her tone soon got soft again. – But we're Catholic, El, we do believe in God and all of this and I really hate the idea of someone like Olivia spending such an important day all alone.

Elliot sighed. He knew Kathy was right, and he thought the same himself. But he also knew, without a doubt way better than Kathy did, how hard it would be to convince Olivia to celebrate the birth of a god whose existence she didn't completely believe, especially after He had taken away the only family she had ever known.

Serena Benson had passed away a few months ago now, and it would be the first of many Christmas his partner would spend without her mother. Even though the women's relationship was pretty miserable, mom and daughter loved each other more than anything, and the Holidays would always get the Best from people. Now Olivia would be all by herself in such an important date, and there were him and Kathy in a house full of children. It was not fair.

- I'll see what I can do.

**SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT SQUAD ROOM, THE FOLLOWING MORNING**

- Liv?

- Yes, El?

- Uh, my apologies for asking, but... What are you up to for Christmas?

- Nothing. I don't celebrate it, Elliot. I don't believe in God and you know it – Olivia sounded impatient, as if she had already explained the fact to her partner a million times.

- I know, I know, but once your mother...

- I'll get her some flowers at the cemetery. I'll put _flowers _in _my mother's grave_, Elliot. Since you believe in God so much, let her rest in peace, will you?

- Liv, I'm sorry. I meant no harm. It's just that I don't like to think that you're gonna be all by yourself in such an important day, even if you disagree... And Kathy and I decided to invite you to spend Christmas with us.

Olivia fell silent, in shock. She really didn't want to spend Christmas freezing in her apartment waiting for some tragedy that would have her duty calling her, but she didn't expect Elliot's offer either. She knew that the Stabler house would be decorated and noisy, filled with love and human warmth. The offer was tempting, but Olivia couldn't, didn't want to accept it.

- El, I... I already told Cragen I'd be available to be on call. I'm sorry.

- I can talk to him, Liv, I'm sure he doesn't mind. Please? For the kids?

He was playing dirty and he knew it. Olivia loved Elliot's children, since she didn't manage to have her own, but he knew she would still love them even if she had ten kids herself.

- Should I take anything? – Elliot smiled a large, completely lovely smile as an answer, and Olivia smiled back.

- Nothing but yourself, Liv.

- Thank you, El – she said, touching his hand on the desk. – From the bottom of my heart.

**STABLER HOUSE, DECEMBER 24****TH****, 8PM**

Just like Elliot had planned, Don Cragen didn't think twice about giving Olivia the "go" signal that night to be with Elliot and his family. "Better than staying on her own", the captain thought. So there she was, ringing the bell, six packages in her hands. A very smiley Kathy opened the door.

- Olivia! – The two women hugged each other. – I'm so happy Elliot convinced you to come!

- Yeah, Kathy, he did, but don't you think he played fair – the detective answered walking into the house, and they both laughed.

- No, I never thought he would, I know my husband too well. But I'm the one to blame, I guess, I was the one to tell him to get you to come, no matter what! – They laughed again. – Oh, and you didn't have to bring any of these, all we wanted was your presence! – Kathy said while grabbing the packages from Olivia's hands and putting them under a beautiful tree.

- Liv! – Maureen came towards the detective and hugged her.

- Hi, Mo, I'm so happy to see you.

- Aunt Livvie! – The twins ran in her direction, stumbling.

- Hey, be careful you two! – She laughed while the two kids hugged her on her hips height, one on each side of her.

- Liv! You came!

- Hi, Kath, you look stunning.

Upstairs, while he was getting ready, Elliot heard a familiar voice and laughter, followed by his kids shouting happily, and couldn't help smiling to himself. He had seriously thought that Olivia wouldn't show up. This would make both him and Kathy very sad and annoyed but, as his partner, Olivia obviously knew that. He walked down the stairs and smelled the familiar jasmine perfume, which origin was sitting on a chair talking to Maureen, while holding Lizzie who sat on her lap.

- Liv.

- El! – She smiled, stood up and hugged him. – Thanks for inviting me – she whispered to his ear.

- You're welcome – he whispered back, smiling.

As the night went by, Elliot watched his partner unconsciously, taking in her appearance: a dark blue knee-length dress, black pantyhose and black high heels. Her overcoat was suspended on the coat hook by the door – it was warm and cool inside the house. At midnight, they gathered around the dinner table, prayed and ate. After that, Liv gave the family her gifts: Elliot got a new shirt and tie; Kathy's present was a silver necklace with matching earrings. Both Maureen and Kathleen received a make-up set each, with different colors. Olivia gave Lizzie a princess Barbie doll and a car with a remote control to Dickie that made him go wild and everyone had to watch their feet for the rest of the night.

But the Stabler family had a surprise for Olivia. Obeying to Elliot's request to make it a special Christmas for his partner, every single member of the family had bought her a gift. She was beyond amazed, surprised and touched. The amount of gifts included a green silk long dress from Kathy, aromatic candles and bath bubble from Kathleen, a big frame with a picture of the SVU team from Dickie (though it had Elliot's hands all over it, Olivia was sure), a small CD player from Maureen and a new pair of boots from Lizzie. Obviously they had had no measures on how much to spend, and that made Olivia very embarrassed. Elliot's gift, though, was clearly the most expensive one: a gold angel pendant with very tiny diamonds on it. On the back, it was svelte "I am your angel", and he got her a card also. It was written inside:

"_I'll be your cloud up in the sky  
I'll be your shoulder when you cry  
I'll hear your voices when you call me  
And when all hope is gone, I'm here  
No matter how far you are, I'm near  
It makes no difference who you are_..."

It was the chorus line from a Celine Dion's song they both loved. The moment she read it, Olivia knew the pendant and the card completed each other, just like herself and Elliot.

Gifts exchanged, it was time for the Stabler kids to go to bed – including Maureen and Kathleen, who were no longer young enough to believe in Santa Claus, but followed the drill for the sake of their younger siblings. They only left after setting up the cookies they had baked and a glass of hot milk. Olivia took the chance and decided she would leave too, promising Kathy that she would be back later for Christmas lunch. Elliot walked her outside.

- Merry Christmas, El – she said when they were standing on the sidewalk.

- Merry Christmas, Liv.

- Thank you for everything, especially the necklace. It's beautiful.

- You're welcome, Liv. And I hope that when you wear it you feel protected and sense my presence around you. This way you'll no longer be alone.

She smiled heartily, suddenly realizing it had everything to do with her mother's death. How was it possible that he could read her so clearly? She kissed him on the cheek and hugged him.

- Thank you. Good night, El.

And just like that, she walked to her car, got inside and drove away.

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_**A/N: I hope you enjoyed their Christmas celebration! I'm sorry if it sounded unrealistic in any way, but I based it on my family's celebration (the only basis I had, actually...) and I think it was really nice.**_


	7. Neglect

_**A/N: Hello everyone! Thank you for the reviews and those who added the story and/or me to favorites/alerts. I'm really glad you seem to enjoy it, but, don't be afraid of reviewing! I don't bite, I swear (: I'm in a great mood today because I watched a video from Comic-Con in which Chris Meloni says he'd like to show up in SVU in the future. I went wild when I watched it and, if you wanna see it, the user who uploaded it is juniperbrze (Raychel here in ).  
This chapter is slightly related to season 2's "Abuse", except that in the show, Elliot is talking to Liv and he says it's been about a month since her mother's death, but, in this story, it's been more time. I do not own Law & Order SVU, its characters or any parts of the show that might be in this story.**_

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It was late night and Olivia was walking out of the precinct, coffee in hand. She thought of the case SVU had in hands though they hadn't been able to do much for some time: the mother of the victim was Ricki Austin, a famous singer who filled a restraining order against the whole unit thanks to Olivia's desperate efforts to help the victim's sister and save her from emotional abuse. Luckily, Alex had been able to suspend the investigation, and therefore the restraining order. That took both ACS and SVU to Ricki's house and they took the little girl, Ashley, away.

Her mother's absence during years made Ashley an emotionally disturbed child – she was always having small accidents, craving for attention and she had got instantly attached to Olivia. When the police took her from her house, she wanted to go to Olivia's, and got really upset when she got a 'no' for an answer: she didn't understand that it was not that Olivia didn't want it, but she wasn't allowed for stronger reasons – such as, she couldn't mess Alex's case up tomorrow in Family Court. Olivia drove Ashley to a shelter on Laight Street, and when they got there the detective was ready to face screams, tears and physical resistance. None of that happened, though: in Ashley's mind, Olivia didn't like her and they were no longer friends.

Olivia replayed in her mind the conversation she had had with Elliot when she came back from the shelter.

_- Olivia, it's me. I know the issues you had – Elliot said, trying to get his partner to talk about it._

_- No. No connection._

_- Successful woman, rarely home, when she was home she was drunk... – He said with a hint of suggestion in his voice. – You were lonely and neglected and never had the chance to resolve the thing before she died – he finished poignantly._

_- You're wrong._

She would never admit it consciously, but he was right. He was so fucking right in every word he had said and he knew it. He knew her so well it was almost unfair.

Her childhood hadn't been easy. Sure, her mother was always there in important dates such as Mother's Day occasional celebrations at school, PTA meetings... And what was even better: when Olivia was a child, Serena still cared enough to be sober most of the time, not only when she was teaching. For that reason, maybe, Olivia was a normal child – she didn't get attached to strangers, anything like that. When she was a teen, however, things got... Bad. She had been a step away from getting married just so she could stay away from her mother, alcohol and the physical and verbal abuse. It was a nightmare.

So yes, she understood Ashley's point: as a kid, you're not strong, smart or mature enough to recognize a chance of getting away, and you always hope that maybe it's something you did and that if your parents notice you, they will love you – usually, moms take care of their children when they get hurt. That's what a mommy does. When it doesn't work, you'll start doing it near other important people: they're also adults, maybe they can help your parents love you. And when you watch all your attempts come to the same end, the failure, you start looking for love unconsciously. People who love each other are kind: whoever is kind to you probably loves you as well. People who love each other care about each other: someone cares about you, this someone loves you. Most of all, people who love each other don't leave: if someone leaves, he or she is no longer your friend. In an abandoned child's mind, things are that simple.

**MANHATTAN FAMILY COURT, FOLLOWING MORNING**

Alex was nailing Ricki against the wall, and it took all of Olivia's willpower to avoid the ironic smirk threatening to show up in her face. Alex was forcing the singer to say out loud the dates that there were on a list and tell where she was on those days – the days Ashley had her "accidents". The answers were, "Chicago', "The German leg of my European tour"... However, this was Family Court, not Supreme Court, and the judge was far less tolerant when it concerned the DA's behavior. Then, it was Ashley's turn to testify.

The little girl's statement went against all of their expectations. Olivia was the enemy and both mommy and daddy were home now. For that reason, the judge decided that Ashley would come back to her parents, but she also wanted monthly reports from ACS.

- Well, there won't be much to report, Your Honor, because she begins a three-month tour next week and her daughter needs to be at school.

- Ms. Austin?

- I'll postpone that tour, Your Honor.

"Liar", Olivia thought.

- Wise decision.

Mother, father and daughter walked out of the court playing the happy family to the paparazzi outside. Ricki had a winner smirk on her face while staring and Olivia and Alex and threatened to take the detective's badge next time she got near Ashley.

- She's lying, Alex. She's lying through her teeth and... – Olivia just shook her head feeling very upset. – Look at that! _Now_ she wants to play happy family! She doesn't love that girl, she just wanted the press' attention.

- I know, Liv. Unfortunately, we'll have to wait for the ACS report and hope it says the same that both you and I are thinking – Alex said as they started walking back to the 16th precinct.

- It won't. This woman built wall after wall. The other nanny felt like talking, Ricki managed to get her deported. For God's sake, Alex, she got a restraining order against our entire unit! What's a single ACS agent compared to a whole police unit?

- It wasn't your fault.

- Never said it was.

- I know what you're thinking and I know Cragen acted like he blamed you, Liv, but everyone understands. They see the same awful things you do; they know you were only trying to help. I guess Elliot even thinks he knows why.

- They know nothing about me.

- Yeah, Munch and Fin probably don't, but Elliot? Cragen? They're on your side. And so am I – Alex said with a soft smile.

**SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT SQUAD ROOM, A WEEK LATER**

- How was it out there in the real world? – Olivia asked bitterly to her partner who had just come inside.

- Give him a few more days to cool off and he'll let you off desk duty.

- Just in time for my hearing in front of the Disciplinary Committee.

- Was it worth it? – Fin asked.

- I don't know. I think it woke her up – Liv said, not much convinced, but hopeful.

Cragen was passing by and laid a piece of newspaper over her desk, without saying a word. She sat up right in the chair and started reading it.

- Sonofabitch.

- What? – Elliot asked, even though he already knew what it was about.

- Ricki Austin played to a sold-out crowd in London last night.

"I knew it. I knew it the whole time.", she thought, but was startled out of her thoughts when her phone rang.

- Benson.

_- Liv, it's Alex._

- Hey.

_- Have you seen The Post?_

- Yeah, Don just handed me one.

_- The Disciplinary Committee cleared you off. No hearing, no labels on your jacket..._

- What? How?

_- I may not be a famous singer but I can also pull a few strings – she laughed. – In a few hours, everyone in this country will know about her success in Europe after she promised the judge she would postpone the tour. Knowing that, the committee decided your concerns and instincts were correct and see no reason to charge you with inappropriate behavior. I gotta go now; I just wanted to let you know._

- Thank you, Alex.

_- Oh, don't thank me. Don was the one with a huge regret. He nearly begged me to do it. Bye – she said, and hung off._

Olivia stood up and walked towards her superior's office. She knocked on the door and walked inside, closing the door behind her.

- Alex just called me.

- I know. I'm sorry if I was too hard on you, Liv, it's just that... I wanted to save an abused little girl since I wasn't able to help the brightest woman I've ever known, and being restrained from that...

Olivia was suddenly touched. "The brightest woman I've ever known" was a great compliment, and the fact that it was coming from the only father figure in her life made it all the more special. Suddenly forgetting all the formalities between a captain and his detective, she walked around the table and hugged Cragen, who did nothing but hug her as well.

- Thank you – she whispered softly with a smile.


	8. Backing Off Is Never An Option

_**A/N: Hey folks! I re-watched "Fault" yesterday before I started writing this chapter and, wow, I thought I was gonna burst into tears. Maybe it's the time of the month, but let's forget about it, shall we?  
LJ – I thought your idea was kinda romantic, with the rose and stuff. However, I'm not sure but I felt that you meant something else. Just saying.  
I do not own Law & Order SVU, its characters or any plot lines belonging to the show that may happen to be in this chapter. This being said, on with the story and I hope you guys like it!**_

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"If you can't trust your partner, Elliot, it's time to get a new one."

That was it.

He had lost her the moment he called the FBI in order to ask for the protective detail. But he knew he had to take that risk, he couldn't leave her unprotected, all on her own. She had nobody left in her life but him, until he betrayed her and now she was alone. Just like he didn't want her to be.

Elliot knew his partner could take care of herself and that he'd been an overprotective dick but he couldn't help it. The perp was after _her_. All his victims belonged to _her_ closed cases, people _she_ had helped. Hell, it was _her name_ written backwards on the door of a fake promotions shop by which the victims had been fooled thinking they had won a computer. According to Huang, it meant that the perp was probably someone innocent who the investigation – and the jury – had placed in jail, and the detectives quickly came up with three names. One of them rang the bell: Eric Plummer, 7 years for rape and attempted murder at Sing Sing.

They knew now he was innocent – he managed to get out by proving it – but, back then, there was no such thing as DNA and eye witnesses had placed him at the crime scene by the time of the attack: it hadn't been anyone's fault, but Olivia didn't seem to understand there was absolutely nothing she could've done.

The night after he and Olivia talked to Plummer's ex-wife, the perp had dumped a body in front of Olivia's building inside a box "From: Aivilo Promotions". The body was identified as Bruce Derricks, the father of one of the three first victims. Someone – obviously the perp – had bailed him out of jail using Olivia's last name, and killed him.

The morning was already dawning by the time Elliot got to Upper West Side and found her standing on the street, staring numbly at the box which contained Mr. Derricks' body while CSU took pictures and tried to find hair, prints or anything that could lead to the suspect. The feds were deeply involved in the case, since the place where the three first bodies had been found was a federal area reserved for biochemical studies and researches, and the responsible Agent, Charles Rod Franklin or whatever his name was, had approached them and told Olivia it would be better for her to back off. She had got pretty pissed and refused the offer without thinking twice, which Elliot had supported her for, but when Franklin suggested a protective detail, Elliot agreed and tried, unsuccessfully, to make her give in. A few days later, he had an opportunity when Olivia left with John and Fin to go to Chauncey's while he and Alex questioned Mr. Plummer, and called the FBI requesting the protective detail. She found out on her way home, made the feds drive all the way to his house on Queens, and after an argument she said the words that, he knew, had put an ending to both their partnership and their friendship, to Benson and Stabler.

**UPPER WEST SIDE, OLIVIA'S APARTMENT, THE FOLLOWING DAY**

She was pretty pissed at everyone.

Elliot, as usual, was the first in line. God, how could he? After she had told Franklin and Cragen that she did NOT want, under any circumstances, a protective detail, he thought he could just ignore her wishes because he was _worried_? Please. It's not like she wasn't able to take care of herself. Yes, she was starting to freak out about Eric Plummer, but she had seen him! She had seen him right across the street and there was nothing she could do thanks to that fucking protective detail!

Then there was Alex. The morning after the incident with Plummer and the FBI, Olivia went to the DA's Office to ask Alex for a search warrant to Eric's apartment. She told Alex she had seen Plummer across the street, but the blonde woman who had been a friend so many times had kept skeptical on this one. For God's sake, she asked how many drinks Olivia had had! She seemed far more interested in the detective's (lack of) credibility than in catching a perp that not only had killed four innocent people, but was also endangering the life of a police officer.

The right answer to Alex's question would be "one beer", but Olivia never said the words. First, because she felt Alex would never believe her. Second, because her genes could tell otherwise – "her mother was an alcoholic, right? Like mother, like daughter", she could already hear the defense attorney saying. So she simply said, "I wasn't drunk", but she actually felt like screaming "I'M NOT MY MOTHER! I WAS NOT DRUNK AND I KNOW WHAT I SAW!". It wouldn't work either – Alex was always way too rational, hardly would she let her emotions take control of her actions and decisions.

_Elliot would believe you, you know. You wouldn't even need to scream at him like crazy. The moment you said the words, he'd be convinced._

"You're only saying so because you think he feels guilty", she thought.

_Maybe. But guilty or not, he'll fight to convince the whole world you're telling the truth if you tell him what happened. He knows you're terrified, but he is damn sure you're not insane._

"He's a dick."

_That's true. He shouldn't have put you under protective detail without telling you, but maybe, just maybe, he did it because he cares about you. Because he knows you have nothing left and doesn't want you to feel in danger, or lonely._

"I won't tell him."

_Fine. Don't. Turn your back on the one who would put himself in line for you. Risk your job. Maybe you'll get fired, maybe you'll lose your best friend, and then you will be on your own._

"I won't lose anything."

_Oh, because you're a big girl, right? Because you're a big girl and no one will find out._

"Shut up."

_Olivia, you're together on it like you've always been. They want to nail this bastard as much as you do. And everything they did, they did it thinking what would be the best for you. Even if it meant being called part of the "rat squad"._

"I know. I just couldn't stand the fact that maybe they thought I was weak."

_They don't. Stop putting yourself through that. You have a personal investigation to make._

With that thought, Olivia left her apartment and headed towards Baseline Labs.

**AVENUE D**

Elliot was terrified. What if they didn't make it on time and Plummer changed his mind about killing Olivia? It wouldn't bring him justice for everything he had lost, of course, but at least now he'd go to jail for crimes he had actually committed. "No, Elliot, don't be like that, try to be positive, it's quite a building, maybe she didn't even find him yet."

God dammit, what was wrong with his partner that she was always trying to be strong? Why couldn't she settle down and play the damsel in distress for a while? All women in the world liked to do it every now and then – he knew it, he had four examples back home. But maybe, just maybe, that was what made her so... Interesting. Kind of attractive. Powerful. So powerful that she already had him wrapped around her little finger a few minutes after they met.

_Elliot, stop it. Focus. You don't want another partner __**again**__, do you?_

"No", he thought.

_So let's find Olivia._

And they did. The sound of gunshots being fired as soon as they reached the building led them to the first apartment they saw. The door was opened. Olivia was standing, holding her gun; there was this woman lying on the floor, crying desperately, and next to her, covered in his own blood, was Eric Plummer's dead body. Three shots right to the chest. Elliot was the first one to react.

- Olivia – he said, putting his hands over hers so she'd put her gun down. – It's okay, it's okay – he lowered her arms. – It's okay – he managed to take the gun out of her hands.

A cop checked Plummer's gun.

- It wasn't loaded – he stated.

- Let's go – Elliot said.

- I gotta give my statement – Olivia answered.

- I'll take you – he said, already turning around, but Olivia held his arm.

- You leave me alone – she said poignantly, and left.

* * *

_**A****/N: So just in case someone didn't understand the time line, the chapter started right after El and Liv's fight in front of his house, when she finds out about the protective detail, and Elliot's left thinking about everything that happened until then. The next day, Liv talks to Alex, Cragen and leaves "on vacation". She goes home and then starts following Plummer until the rest of the squad finds out and goes after her.**_


	9. Saving All My Love

_**A/N: Who's up to some E/O goodness? Everyone, I hope! I know I always am.  
So guys, my winter vacation is over. Sad but true. My classes at college restart on Wednesday and then it'll get hard for me to upload chapters frequently, but I won't stop writing. Whenever there's a possibility I'll be here, promise!  
I do not own Law & Order SVU, its characters and blah blah blah. The song isn't mine either. It belongs to Mrs. Whitney Houston, and may her rest in peace.**_

* * *

It was already late at night and, since the detectives had walked quickly into closing the case that day after putting the evidence altogether, Cragen had dismissed them quite early. Elliot, however, remained sat on his desk. He had finished his paperwork at least two hours ago, but he still hadn't motioned to get off his chair except to get coffee. He didn't really want to go home. Not after what the investigation brought up.

Lizzie and Dickie were almost 9 years old now, which meant they were supposed to attend Bible study classes at the church. At first, Elliot and Kathy had no problems with it – Kathleen and Maureen had also attended those classes at the proper time. A few days ago, however, Elliot came home and told his wife he didn't want the kids to attend the classes, especially Dickie. Not wanting to bring his work home, he didn't give Kathy enough reason for his request, and they argued. It's been like that ever since. He sighs, rubbing his jaw with his knuckles. How could he let his little kids anywhere near a priest without an adult to pay attention to everything after what he had seen at work?

There had been a murder inside a church. After a long investigation, the detectives found out that the murderer had been abused by a priest as a child. Given the current situation with his kids, Elliot felt the case hit close to home. His fears were reasonable now, even though he had never dared to think about it before: being a catholic, it felt almost like a sin. He couldn't tell whether it was a coincidence or not, but pedophile priests were being discovered all over the world during that year.

He was taken away from his thoughts when he heard steps on the stairs behind him. He knew who it was.

- I thought you had a date.

- Yeah, so did I – Olivia answered, sitting down on her desk.

She was wearing a burgundy knee-length silk dress with a V-neck, gold earrings, the angel pedant Elliot gave her for Christmas a year and a half earlier and black stilettos. Her make-up was a little darker than usual which made her all the more beautiful.

- Michael took a rain check – it was not a question.

- He had an emergency with a patient. Being a cop, I know how unpredictable such things can be.

- Do I get his last name? – He struggled not to show jealousy in his voice.

- No.

- How did you two meet?

- I ran into him when paying Melinda a visit.

- Oh, he belongs to M.E.'s Office, then? An OB-GYN? Because except for the ones who got raped and were lucky enough not to die, the patients at Mel's office are dead, you know that.

- No, he's not, Elliot. He's just a friend of hers but don't you get to happy. Melinda won't tell you anything either – she said, clearly enjoying the situation.

- And why's that?

- Because I advised her not to – she laughed.

- You did what? – He asked, pretending to be offended.

- Oh, come on, El. You can't scare away all the men I date, it's not fair.

"They're not good enough for you, what can I say?", he thought.

- I'm just trying to protect you; you're an SVU detective, you know all the bad things that can happen – he shrugged.

She reached for his hand.

- Thank you, El. But I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself.

For a few minutes, they were silent, just looking at their intertwined hands. Then, Olivia started moving.

- Well... I should get going. You talk to Kathy.

- I don't wanna bring work home, you know that.

- I do, El, but I also know that if she doesn't have a reason, she'll think you're just being captious and stubborn. She's your wife. Talk to her.

Elliot sighed.

- Okay, I will. But first... – he stood. – You and I are going to have dinner and a few drinks.

- What? Why? – She laughed.

Elliot couldn't exactly tell why. Olivia looked amazing, and all he could think of was how bad he wanted to hug her, be with her, how bad he wanted people to think _he_ was her boyfriend instead of some doctor...

- Oh, come on. I bet you're a bit frustrated that your date had to be postponed, and you look so beautiful. It would be a pity to let that go to waste. Come on – he offered his arm. – As friends.

- Fine – Olivia answered.

She grabbed his arm and they left.

**THE THREE ROSES RESTAURANT**

The food was exquisite, and the partners were talking and having a lot of fun. The moment they walked in, many men drew their attention to Olivia, which made Elliot feel both jealous and proud at the same time. He was jealous, because these looked at her like they were taking her clothes off with their eyes. On the other hand, he was proud for being next to such a beautiful woman, and he knew that the same people who were picturing her naked were also deadly jealous of him. After they ate and did some small talk, the DJ started playing "Saving All My Love For You", by Whitney Houston.

- Oooh, I love this song – Olivia giggled.

Elliot stood up and walked to her, extending his right arm.

- Can I have this dance?

Olivia smiled and took his hand gladly. They walked to the dance floor and faced each other. Her right hand on his left, her left hand on his shoulder and his right hand on the small of her back, they started dancing.

_A few stolen moments is all that we share  
You've got your family, and they need you there  
Though I try to resist being last on your list  
But no other man's gonna do_

- So I'm saving all my love for you – they sang along.

_It's not very easy living all alone  
My friends try to tell me 'find a man of your own'  
But each time I try, I just break down and cry  
Cause I'd rather be home feeling blue  
Cause I'm saving all my love for you_

_You use to tell me we'd run away together  
Love gives you the right to be free  
You said be patient, just wait a little longer  
But that's just an old fantasy_

_I've got to get ready, just a few minutes more  
Gonna get an old feeling, when you walk  
through that door.  
Cause tonight, is the night  
When I'm feeling alright  
We'll be making love the whole night through  
So I'm saving all my love  
Yes I'm saving all my loving  
Yes I'm saving all my love for you_

No other woman is gonna love you more  
Cause tonight is the night, that I'm feeling alright  
We'll be making love the whole night through  
So I'm saving all my love  
Yeah I'm saving all my love  
Yes I'm saving all my love for you  
For you, for you

They stopped dancing and just stared at each other, smiling. The next music, however, was agitated and broke their reverie. Holding hands, they left the restaurant and Elliot drove her home.

- Thank you, El. I'm actually glad Michael took a rain check. I really had a great time.

- Elliot Stabler, at your service – he smiled.

- Would you like to come up?

- I'd love to, but I bet Kathy's freaking out at home and I really don't feel like arguing with her. But the next time captain dismisses us early, if your night is not already occupied, I'll drive you home and we can have a pizza and watch a movie. I promise.

- El, it's fine – she laughed lightly. – But I do want you to promise me you'll talk to Kathy.

He sighed and rubbed his jaw.

- Is it worth if I promise you I'll try?

- Fine – she laughed again, and agreed. – Bye, El. I really had a lot of fun tonight.

- Me too.

Olivia got off the car, crossed the street and got into the building. A few minutes later, Elliot watched the lights on the 4th floor blink, so he started the engine and drove home.

* * *

_**A/N: I'm thinking about where to go with this story and good news is, I think I already figured out what I want. I hope everyone likes it =]**_


	10. Sinner

_**A/N: I'm sooo so sorry it took me so long! I had a major writer's block, but here I am. Thank you for reading and reviewing, by the way. So in this chapter, we walk into their 4**__**th**__** year... I actually wanted to skip it due to my writer's block – next chapter is ready! – but I just couldn't not write t. Read and find out why. I hope you guys like it!  
I do not own Law & Order SVU or its characters, which tells me I need a job. Never mind.**_

* * *

Despite his strong body, Elliot felt fragile. Tom Landricks had abused his family and walked away with it and Elliot _knew_ it. He knew it and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Sitting on his couch, surrounded by his children, he had only stopped shaking from fear and anger a few minutes ago.

What about his strength, his rock, his partner? Where was Olivia? Having dinner with Doctor Michael – that is, if they didn't skip formalities and went straight to dessert and... "Elliot. No. Don't go there".

She had looked stunning, and Elliot almost wished there was a new lead or a new case, anything that would make her take a rain check with the doctor, so that the two partners could have their not-date with pizza and a movie, but it would be too big of a push on his luck, and so Elliot had the pleasure to walk her outside the precinct and watch her get indo Doctor Michael's black sedan, before he headed to his own car and drove home to Glen Oaks. He felt like crying.

**SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT SQUAD ROOM, THE FOLLOWING MORNING**

- So, Liv... Uh... How was your night with Michael?

She smiled broadly.

- It was... Fantastic.

While she spoke, a young man walked into the bullpen holding a bouquet of red roses.

- I'm looking for... Detective Olivia Benson?

- That's me – she said, standing up.

Elliot didn't bother turning around. He simply rubbed his knuckles on his jaw, not understanding what made him so upset.

- Sign here, please – the kid held out a clipboard and a pen, and Olivia did as she was asked.

- There's a card – Elliot pointed out when she sat back down.

- It's from Michael! – She read the card and smiled again. – El, I'll go to the roof and call him, can you...?

- Go, Liv – he said with a small smile.

She thanked him and left. As soon as she got out of the room, Elliot grabbed the card and read it. He knew it was wrong but he couldn't help it.

_Liv,_

_Thank you a lot for the amazing night. I hope we can do it again soon._

_Michael_

"THAT'S IT? THEY SLEEP TOGETHER AND HE DOESN'T EVEN SAY "LOVE, MICHAEL"?", he thought.

He rubbed his face a few times. Why was he so jealous? He tried to tell himself it was because she was so lonely and he didn't want her to suffer, he cared for her... But the thought that maybe it meant something else bothered him. He wanted to punch something. Or somebody. Especially if by 'somebody' you meant the precious doctor Michael.

"Elliot. Calm down. You don't even know if they actually had sex".

God. The thought of Olivia having sex with anybody made him want to throw up. And then he thought this 'anybody' could be him... The green monster in his chest purred happily and Elliot shook his head.

"Christ, get a grip. What about the 9th commandment? What happened to "You must not covet your neighbor's wife"? Just because you're thinking about it instead of acting on it, this doesn't make you less of an adulterous or a sinner, Elliot. You know that".

He practically threw the card back onto the desk in front of him and turned to his own paperwork. A few minutes later, Olivia was back, a smile from ear to ear on her face. _God, she was beautiful_.

- Benson, Stabler – Cragen called from his office door. – You have a victim on her way to Mercy, 22-year-old NYU student, her name is Mary Anne Blanchet. Go.

The partners arrived at the hospital at the same time as the bus, so Olivia kept Mary company during the rape kit, trying at the same time to pay attention to the girl and figure out why Elliot seemed so upset. She couldn't.

The detectives got the victim's statement and headed to the precinct, only stopping at Melinda's office to drop the clothes for evidence analysis. They arrived at the station around 5 PM and Cragen dismissed them – both were on call, though, as usual.

- Hey, El, what about we go to my place and watch a movie like we were planning the other day?

- Today I can't, Liv, sorry – Elliot said as if he wasn't sorry at all. – Bye.

Munch and Fin waved back at him and Olivia watched him until his head disappeared on the hallway.

- What's got into him?

- An ugly green monster, perhaps you've heard of it, Liv, it's called _jealousy_.

Olivia laughed bitterly, though she could her bells and angels singing in her head, put on her coat and left.

* * *

_**A/N: So it was a short one but I hope you liked it! I'll try to update soon. In the meantime, R&R.**_


	11. It's Never That Easy

_**A/N: Saturday still counts as the same week, right? LOL I'm just joking. All I can say is, boy, law school can keep one busy.  
I'm not sure if this is written the way I wanted and expected it to, but I hope you enjoy it!  
Last time I checked, the characters didn't belong to me. Neither did the parts of the show that are in this chapter. There are some parts of an episode which name I won't mention, I'm sure you can figure it out while you read.**_

* * *

**SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT SQUAD ROOM**

It was already dark outside. All of the detectives were at their desks, looking extremely absent-minded. Alexandra Cabot's death had been an awful event in their lives – the detectives were extremely grateful for the DA who had helped them and saved their investigations, as well as their asses, numerous times in court for the last five years, and they cared very much about her, though they couldn't always show it.

Elliot felt mad at himself. As soon as he heard the shooting he couldn't think of anything but protecting Olivia and brought her to the ground, and because of that his partner had now lost her best friend. He blamed his instincts – she was his partner, he had to watch her back –, but it didn't make Alex's death any easier on him.

After what seemed hours looking at the badge that rested on her table without really seeing it, Olivia decided she had had enough. She stood up and headed to the cribs. Elliot, knowing his partner all too well, waited for a few minutes and went after her, just to find Olivia sitting on one of the cots, crying her heart out.

- Liv… – he sat beside her and hugged her.

- I can't believe this has happened – she was sobbing.

- He'll pay for what he did, now.

- Too many people have died, El. Why did it take two DEA's officers and one ADA, as far as we know, for him to get what he deserves? How many other innocent people has Zapata killed and we don't know?

- Sometimes good things require sacrifices so that they can happen, Liv.

- Yes, but this is unfair.

- I know it is, but Liv, you know Alex a lot better than I do – he figured his partner could be hurt if he talked about Alex in the past. – From what you know about her, would she rather die fighting for justice just like it happened, or lying on a hospital bed, sick and suffering? _**(A/N: No offense intended; I don't think that people who die due to an illness are useless or anything like that and NEITHER DOES EL OR ANY CHARACTER IN THIS STORY. Period.)**_

Olivia remained silent. She knew Elliot was right – that's why Alex had become a DA.

- I know it sounds stupid but...

- It's not, El. You're right.

- It's okay to be devastated, Liv. But as soon as we connect Alex's death to Zapata, it'll put a needle on his arm. Think about all the innocent people she helped to save – Olivia nodded.

After a long while Olivia managed to calm down. She wiped the last tears away from her almost dry face, got inside the ladies room to wash her face and try to make it look less like she had cried a whole Hudson River in the last half an hour. As soon as she went outside, they headed downstairs and sat at the desks facing each other again. Don came out of his office and asked about the trial of one of their cases.

- It's postponed – Olivia answered numbly.

- We're gonna lose that witness, she was already shaky in the beginning – the captain replied.

- Well, nothing we can do, we got SVU cases being handed by ADAs from other bureaus, they don't give a damn – Elliot answered without much patience while a cop handed the captain a small, blue paper, which he read.

- Well, isn't that nice?

- What? – John asked.

- Rafael Zapata Gaviria was found dead in a holding cell awaiting a hearing, no witnesses.

- There goes Velez's extradition – Fin pointed.

- I long for the old days when the government would just send the Delta Force Assassination Squad – Munch stated, felling a little angry.

- DEA agent Hammond wants to see you guys tonight – Don said, pointing Elliot and Olivia. – Here's the address – he gave the paper to Olivia who was sitting next to him.

- What for?

- Something about closing up the case.

**JERSEY PARKWAY**

Elliot and Olivia got to the place – which meant the middle of nowhere by a road. Four dark colored cars were waiting for them, including the DEA's sedan from where Hammond came out.

- Nice location, convenient – Elliot said in a very sarcastic and unpleased voice. They had spent a couple hours with Hammond during the case, but both Elliot and Olivia already disliked him almost as much as they hated Tucker.

- Sorry, only way to do this.

- Do what? – Olivia asked.

- Wouldn't take "no" for an answer, real pain in the ass, this one.

A Marshall opened the back door of one of the black SUVs and Alex herself got out of it. The detectives fell in a dead silence, completely shocked.

- I am so sorry about all of this – the blond woman said in a low voice.

- Your funeral is tomorrow – Olivia whispered, fighting back the tears as much as she could.

- And you're both expected to attend. For time being, Miss Cabot is better off dead. If Velez can get to Zapata, he can get to her – Hammond explained.

- Witness protection – Elliot realized with a whisper.

- Until Velez is extradited or otherwise dealt with – Alex said.

- How long? – Olivia's brown eyes were filled with tears in a way that she could barely see her friend right in front of her.

Alex didn't answer and just shrugged, for the first time looking extremely sad.

- We're on the move. I'm sorry folks – one of the cops said.

Alex got inside the car, looked back at the detectives, her friends, one last time, and nodded to the police officer, who closed the door. Just like that, they left, and Elliot and Olivia watched the cars until they disappeared.

**UPPER WEST SIDE**

The ride back to Olivia's apartment was silent. Elliot was feeling bad, though he knew Olivia was far worse – Alex was one of her best friends. During the whole drive, she had played with the angel necklace he gave her for Christmas two years earlier, and he had seen it. He couldn't help but run his right hand through her hair.

- Thank you for the ride, El.

- You're welcome. Will you be fine?

- I don't know – she answered honestly. – At least now we know she's fine.

- Yeah.

- Good night, El.

- Good night, Liv – he answered, and she got out of the car.

Sensing her state of mind, he watched her cross the street and walk into the building. After one minute or two, the lights on the 4th floor were on, and blinked. He smiled slightly to himself and drove away.


	12. Doubt

_**A/N: I'm sorry for the long wait. Casey and Alex make Law School seem a lot easier than it actually is. Add to it my internet which stopped working for a few days and the fact that my godfather went to be with God on the 23**__**rd**__**. The ones of you who are also Catholic can imagine how hard it hit me, and it's the first time I get to face death for real.  
Another intermediate chapter, maybe a short one just to get through with it because the next one is ready and, may I say, is one of my favorites.  
Law & Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. By the way, I haven't watched season 14 premiere yet, but I can tell you this: no matter what happened, IT WASN'T CRAGEN.  
Oh, and Elliot's two first thoughts on his first dialogue with Olivia don't belong to me either, I saw it on the reviews for a video of this scene on YouTube. If you're the one who had this idea, please tell me!**_

* * *

Elliot was disorientated. The scene in front of him was something he never dared to imagine – at least not the way it was happening.

Horace Gorman was dead. And Olivia was standing right next to his lifeless body as if she had just killed him. No... _No_...

- He was already dead when I got here.

Munch and Fin asked for backup and dealt with removing the body. Elliot and Olivia barely looked at each other. When she motioned to get out of the room, he started talking.

- Are you protecting her?  
- You think that I'm covering for Hilary? – Olivia sounded shocked and hurt.  
- Where did you drop her off?  
- At her mother's.  
- They're estranged, remember?  
- Hilary wanted to talk to her.  
- When did you leave her there?  
- A couple of hours ago, and I don't need you interrogating me.  
- Why didn't you come back to the squad? – "Why didn't you come back to me?", he thought. - Because I had a hunch! I checked out five hotels and this one was number six.  
- Without backup! - "WITHOUT ME!" – The hell is the matter with you? – "I could have lost you..."  
- Elliot, don't start with me.  
- You're outta control – "He could have attacked you..."  
- I never had control at this one, remember? I lost my judgment.  
- Everyone makes mistakes – "He could have kidnapped _you_..." – Get over it – "I would never see you again..."

She rolled her eyes and left.

**SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT, SQUAD ROOM**

Elliot and Olivia walked inside and stopped on their tracks. Victims, all of them, the women in the wedding albums, were talking to the detectives, Cragen and even Huang. As soon as Fin spotted them, he excused himself to the victim he was talking to, and walked towards his friends.

- The women from the wedding albums. How did we find them so fast?  
- They saw the story on the evening news.  
- When did he snatch them?  
- I haven't got there yet – Fin tried to lie, but Olivia saw right through it.  
- When did Gorman kidnap them? – She insisted.  
- After Hilary.

As Fin walked back to the victim he had been talking to, Olivia decided enough was enough; she grabbed a cardboard box and started packing. Elliot and Cragen just looked at each other, and the captain went to talk to her.

Elliot watched his partner and started feeling guilty. Maybe he shouldn't have been so rough with her. Maybe he could've been a little more polite.

_Maybe you hurt her, you ass. Maybe, just maybe, she didn't kill him and she needed you to trust her._

"I never..."

_Oh, shut up, Elliot. You never what? You never thought about it? Damn straight you didn't. You always say things before thinking about them. But maybe you'll learn this time. After five years of Benson and Stabler, you'll get yourself another rookie who won't last two weeks. Or maybe Cragen lets you working all by yourself. Your house is already pretty shaken up, now your partner will leave and you will die alone. God knows you deserve it._

The trial was the worst part. The defense attorney tried his hardest to incriminate Olivia as the actual murderer, instead of Juliet Barclay. The jury didn't necessarily see Olivia as the killer but, like Casey said, they didn't have to. It was enough that they weren't sure about Juliet's guilt.

* * *

Olivia walked inside her apartment, taking a deep breath. In the same day, Casey had removed the charges against Juliet, Hilary was arrested and then they found out she wasn't guilty at all. The detective felt physically exhausted, but her mind seemed to be working full speed.

Why did it hurt so much when Elliot didn't believe her? Why did he even think she could have killed Gorman in the first place? He knew better, or at least she thought he did. And it didn't matter that on the previous day at Casey's office he said he knew she would have shot Gorman if she was the one who killed him, Olivia was still hurt. Elliot should have believe her first place and above all things. She had been his partner for five years, the longest Elliot had ever kept a partner according to rumors.

_Maybe he was afraid. Maybe he wanted to believe you but his instincts were louder. Yours would have been._

"No. Not when it came to Elliot. I trust him with my life."

_So does he. Don't doubt, not for a single second, that he didn't push all the buttons he could to help you._

_**A/N: Next chapter will be here a lot sooner, I promise! In the mean time, please read and review!**_


	13. I Know Their Every Look,His Eyes -Part 1

_**A/N: Part 1 of 2! This chapter is named after a verse of the song "In His Eyes", from the musical "Jekyll & Hyde". It is also kind of related to the song, which is sung by Emma Carew, Dr. Jekyll's fiancée, and Lucy Harris, a prostitute who is in love with him, so I believe everyone can see where this is going. By the way, it's a beautiful song, sung by Linda Eder (as Lucy) and Rebecca Spencer (as Emma).  
This chapter is set right after season 6's "Rage" , but it's also related to previous episodes from the same season.  
I do not own Law & Order SVU or its characters. In case I haven't mentioned it, the song "In His Eyes" doesn't belong to me either.**_

* * *

**UPPER WEST SIDE, OLIVIA'S APARTMENT**

"_I've also seen liars"._

"_Men change. Especially when their wives file for legal separation. My investigator checked the court documents. He also found out that your wife took the kids and moved in with her mother"._

"_Kathy left me"._

Even though Olivia had processed the facts in her mind a million times since she had known it, they didn't sink into her. How come? How could Elliot and Kathy possibly be divorced? They had been married for twenty years, they had four marvelous kids... Olivia just couldn't believe it, and she was crying her partner's pain while watching the rain outside.

_**I sit and watch the rain,  
And see my tears run down the windowpane**_

Holly Purcell. Tandi McCain. And God knows how many were the kids that were shot when they were chasing that Abraham guy who was also the father of a child with Melanie, a 12-year-old girl who was part of the perp's church. Holly and Tandi were the same age as the twins and Kathleen, and Elliot had told her later that one of the kids that had been shot at Abraham's house was wearing pajamas with bears on it, and Lizzie had one just like it. Probably for this reason, though, Elliot had been forced to leave for a week and see a shrink and couldn't work on Abraham's case. They never discussed what he said during the sessions.

Tandi McCain's case had come to them before Olivia knew what was going on at the Stabler house. She was a blonde, blue-eyed, sixteen-year-old teenage girl – Kathleen. Olivia knew her partner that well. They had been together for six years, three times longer than what's recommended to SVU detectives, but they worked amazingly together and had no complaints about each other, so Cragen let them be.

During the investigation, Tandi told multiple stories to her parents, the detectives and the press, which pissed the detectives off until they found out the reason – her attacker was her stepfather's boss. Tandi's stepfather, Ronald, had a heart problem and needed the health insurance he got from the place he worked. His boss raped Tandi and threatened to fire Ron if she told anybody.

When a record tape came out and they found out Tandi was at a party in a Hudson dorm instead of the library like she had first said, the family stopped being supportive towards the police and Elliot immediately suspected of Mr. McCain. Since the detective had given information to a friend of his who was a journalist and one of the cadets Tandi first pointed out as her rapists ended up in a coma, Elliot wanted to make things right this time, doing his best to get the truth out of their new suspect.

_**I think of him,  
How we were**_

"– _July, 1995, Nassau County Police Department had a complaint of abuse against you – Olivia said while sitting down._

_- That's a crap charge filled by my wife's ex-husband because he was jealous that I was dating Tandi's mom._

_- It says right here that the complainant was Tandi Weatherby, age 7._

_- Bastard pushed her up to it. Keep reading! Cops investigated, dropped all charges..._

_- Because Tandi withdrew the allegations._

_- YES! Is that what this is about? Got tired of attacking my daughter so now you come after me?_

_- Were you ever in the room where Tandi was raped?_

_- No! Why?_

_- 'Cause your handprints say that you were. On the sheetrock right next to where Tandi was found._

_- We SUPPLY sheetrock, it must have ended up in that building._

_- That's quite a coincidence, Ron._

_- There's gotta be hundreds of prints in that room besides mine._

_- Got a better explanation for ya – Elliot started, sarcasm dripping from his voice. – Tandi's not a girl anymore. All grown up, beautiful woman, your wife's pregnant, it's hard not to notice Tandi._

_- You are sick._

_- The night she didn't come home you went looking for her – Elliot approached the table._

_- Right, I told you!_

_- You didn't tell us that you found her. You saw her coming out of that party, wanted to be mad but she was drunk, maybe she was flirting with you a little bit..._

_- Shut up._

_- So you brought her to the dorm and did what you always wanted to._

_- You bastard._

_- Oh, come on, man, she is a pretty thing. You're only her stepfather, what's the big deal, huh?_

_With those words, Ronald McCain stood up and punched Elliot in the nose. Elliot kicked him back in the guts and Olivia arrested him for assaulting a police officer."_

They had both been way off the limits during that case. Olivia had had her share of cheating while they were taking Tandi to the hospital in order to have the rape kit. Tandi didn't want to go and Ron wouldn't let them, but Olivia said that according to the Social Services Law they had to take her, and they did. On their way to the hospital, Elliot confronted her about it and said she had crossed a line, but when they arrived at the hospital and Cragen asked what that had been about, Elliot supported her.

_**And when I think of him,  
Then I remember...**_

Holly Purcell had really grown attached to Elliot. A blonde, blue-eyed, nine-year-old girl – Olivia wouldn't be surprised if she found out he thought of Lizzie all the time. God, he had nearly punched the suspect's wife. He fought so hard to put the bastard in jail, but when Casey asked him to go to court with her so they could work together on getting Holly ready to testify, he didn't want to go, said he had had enough, and snapped at Olivia when she tried to talk him into going. Fortunately, he gave in and took Holly to the court. Fortunately, because she confessed to him that their initial suspect had never done anything to her. Not only did they stop an innocent man from going to jail, but after chasing a little bit more and having a shrink analyze Holly's drawings once again, they managed to catch the right suspect, a teenage boy name Kevin Wilcox, who had also raped and killed dozens of other little girls.

Before Holly's case, however, they met Rebecca Hendrix, who was a shrink at Bellevue Hospital. Olivia really liked her at first – obviously, she preferred Huang who she already knew, but Rebecca was also nice and being an FBI agent George was not always available –, until the moment she realized Elliot seemed to have a thing for the shrink. Sometimes Rebecca said things and Olivia knew that if Huang was the one saying them, Elliot wouldn't think twice before snapping at him, but now her partner behaved like "everyone should listen to Dr. Hendrix because she is a shrink and she's so smart", and followed Dr. Hendrix like a puppy desperate for attention.

"– _Where are you going? – Elliot asked Hendrix who was getting ready to leave._

_- To work – Rebecca answered as if it was obvious._

_- We're gonna need a shrink if we find Miranda. She trusts you._

_- I already have a job._

_- So what are you doing here? You may not be a cop anymore but I know you wanna find this guy as bad as we do._

_(...)_

_- Regretting the career change, doc? – Cragen asked to Rebecca who was entering his office._

_- Elliot asked me to stop by – she answered._

_- Why would a homosexual man rape women? – Elliot asked not wasting time._

_- Uh... Well... I guess for the same reason a heterosexual man does. I'd have to know more about his psychopathology._

_- Why don't you sit on the interrogation? – He suggested. – Wouldn't be a bad idea to have a shrink in there, help us figure this guy out._

_- Since when are you such a champion of mental health profession? – Olivia couldn't believe what she was seeing and hearing._

_- You said it yourself, Liv, this is new to us._

"_How dare he use my own words against me as an excuse to have his sweetheart shrink around?", Olivia thought, even more shocked._

_(...)_

_- I don't know what to tell you but this is wrong. Thomas Mathers is your rapist – Rebecca said firmly._

_- We just got proof that he's not – Olivia answered._

_- Maybe he worked with an accomplice – Elliot suggested._

_- Elliot, every victim told us the same story, one rapist._

_- Everything else fits: the car, the smell of cigarettes, the dirty nails, Rebecca's profile..._

_- Which was wrong!_

_- I don't believe it was._

_- And I can't believe you're taking a shrink's opinion over actual facts! – Olivia spat._

_- Bye – Dr. Hendrix hurried out._

_- We don't even know that the perp's name is really Thomas – Olivia said as if Rebecca hadn't interrupted._

_- What's your problem?_

_- If Miranda is taking her meds now, then she's gonna be more lucid and maybe she remembers something. I wanna talk to her without Rebecca._

_- What's the problem? She's a cop, it's all we need to know._

_- No, Elliot, she didn't think that being a cop is good enough so she quit._

_- Is that what this is about? Some sort of inferiority complex?_

_- You know, I get that you're on the rebound and everything, but if you could keep it out of work that'd be great – she simply said and left"._

It had been so ridiculous and she had felt so jealous. Bastard hadn't even got his divorce papers yet and he was already looking for someone else.

And deep down, Olivia wanted it to be her. She just was not ready to face it yet.

_**By looking in his eyes  
Will I see beyond the sorrow  
That I feel?**_


	14. I Know Their Every Look,His Eyes -Part 2

_**A/N: I read somewhere, probably in another story, that Kathy's surname as a single woman was Malone. I don't remember seeing any mentions to it on the show, though. If anybody has a hint please let me know!  
I'm sorry, this is quite a short one, but if I made it longer than that I would miss the point in here.  
I do not own Law & Order SVU, its characters or plot lines from the show that may show up in this chapter. I do not own the song "In His Eyes" either. The rest, all mine.**_

**MALONE FAMILY HOUSE**

Kathy was sitting on a bench in the balcony. She looked at the sky, and could tell it was raining a lot in Manhattan. Not that it mattered. She thought of her home, a certain blue-eyed, strong, hot-headed SVU detective who was now living in an empty house in Glen Oaks, and sighed.

_**I sit and watch the sky  
And I can hear it breathe a sigh...**_

She loved Elliot. She really did. Problem was, he couldn't always be there for her and wouldn't allow her to be there for him. She understood, of course, that everything he did, every night he left the house, every day he would stay at the station and not call because he was too busy chasing perps, he did it for his family, and he didn't talk about his day because he didn't want his family to have that stuff on their heads – especially when the victims were children, which unfortunately happened a lot – but Kathy couldn't help feeling a little let down by that.

_**In his eyes I can see  
Where my heart longs to be**_

Also, there was Olivia. Elliot's partner was a kind-hearted woman who had already been through a huge amount of pain in her life, but managed to keep being faithful and sweet. The Stabler kids loved her like she was their mom also. Obviously, Elliot had a stronger connection to his partner than to his own wife – he could talk to _Olivia_ about the things he saw at work when it bothered him. When they first started as partners Kathy didn't really mind it, but after SIX YEARS she thought she had enough reasons to feel extremely jealous.

_**By looking in his eyes  
Will I see beyond tomorrow?**_

Many people suspected the partners had and affair. The ones who were concerned about things getting physical, though, Kathy could tell for sure they were wrong. As a Catholic man, being an adulterous man was beyond her husband. Elliot would live forever in an unbearable situation, but he wouldn't dare to cheat on his wife, not when he had vowed to be faithful to her right before God's eyes.

She couldn't be so sure, however, when it came to feelings. He felt something for Olivia. Whether it was tenderness, friend-love, care... Kathy couldn't pick up one to explain their relationship. Maybe it was all of them, and she understood that – despite her numerous dates, Olivia was a very lonely woman. It wasn't like she had a family to come home to. Her family was waiting for her every morning at the 16th precinct. For that reason, Kathy was very fond of Olivia in the first years. She felt kind of sorry – how was it fair that Elliot and her had four kids and, after her mother's death, Olivia had no one? But Olivia was called Bad-Ass Benson for a reason. She needed no pity, and she had made it pretty clear that she didn't want it.

Their chemistry was impressive and enviable – they had been in the newspapers enough time for Kathy to know that, and once some guy from IAB stated that he wished "all SVU partners worked together as well as Benson and Stabler". Kathy hadn't been jealous. Actually, she was proud – her husband was partially responsible for the increasing rate of closed rape cases in Manhattan! Along with his Marine history, this fact made him practically a hero. But she was helpless. She would always live in that doubt. With that fact in mind, Kathy sighed and walked back into her mother's house.

**UPPER WEST SIDE, OLIVIA'S APARTMENT**

There was a knock on the door. Given the late hour, it was definitely weird, but Olivia went to open it. It could be a neighbor asking for help and as a police officer she wasn't one to deny help when she was asked. However, her heart went out with what she saw.

Elliot was standing at her door, looking at the floor. When he looked up at her, she saw his eyes were filled with guilt, his knuckles bruised and bleeding. Olivia didn't hesitate before hugging him. It didn't matter how hurt she was by his actions, or his words, or the facts he had hidden. He was hurt, he was hurting, and he needed help.

_**Love is worth forgiving for  
Now I realize  
Everything worth living for  
Is there, in his eyes!**_


	15. A Trip Down The Memory Lane

_**A/N: Yeah, I know. Long time no see. I've been busy with college and a new story I'm writing. Thanks everyone for the reviews. Let's get this chapter started.  
ElandLiv-InaHeartBeat, your reviews are amazing. They always make me happy. Amanda4Meloni, thank you for reviewing each and every chapter. This one's for you – both of you. E/O fluff! I hope you like it!  
I do not own Law & Order SVU or its characters. Sadly.**_

* * *

Olivia stared numbly at the glass in front of her. Casey had just left, after Olivia practically begged her to offer Carrie Eldridge a deal. The detective didn't know it, but the barman had already called and asked Elliot to come pick her up.

It's not that she was drunk – at least not with alcohol. She found birth control pills at the Eldridges' house and, when she confronted Carrie with it, the girl told her the terrible truth about her life and her drunken mother. Denise Eldridge's death hadn't been an accident, but, at least for Olivia, Carrie's attitude had been completely understandable.

While staring at her iced tea, the memory of what she had just told Casey came back to her:

"– _You're dating that boy?_

_- Yes, I am._

_- No! – Serena shouted. – No, you're not, Olivia Benson! You stop seeing him, or I'll kick him out of Columbia! You're seventeen, he's twenty-one, it's a fucking crime!_

_- Fine! – Olivia yelled back. – I'm moving out._

_Serena dropped the bottle of vodka she was holding._

_- What?_

_- I'm. Moving. Out. We're getting married anyway._

_- NO! – Serena grabbed a piece of shattered glass from the floor and ran towards her daughter. – I'LL NEVER LET ANYONE ELSE HAVE YOU!_

_Olivia kicked her mother twice, by reflex. Serena's unconscious body flew across the room, hit the wall and fell to the ground. The terrified teenage girl ran out, not wanting to risk her mother waking up anytime soon."_

- Liv?

It was his voice, above everything, that had the power to calm her down at any place and any time. Elliot was, after all, her guardian angel. She turned around slowly.

- Hi, El.

He smiled as he approached and sat down.

- So, what are you having?

- Iced tea.

Elliot ordered a beer and they stayed at the bar for a while, doing small talk. About an hour and half after he arrived, Elliot started getting ready to leave.

- Guess I'll get going. Do you want a ride?

- Yes, please.

Elliot stood up and offered her his right arm.

- Shall we? – He asked.

- We shall – Olivia grabbed his arm and they walked away.

On their way to Olivia's apartment, they made a stop to buy pizza. Since Kathy had moved out and he had no one to come home to, Elliot spent many nights at Olivia's. And she loved it. Of course she felt bad for him losing his family, but when he crashed on the couch it meant they had a time just to be themselves, instead of Benson and Stabler, the dynamic duo of NYPD. They were simply Liv and El, two dear old friends spending some quality time together.

Elliot put his duffel bag on the floor – he kept it on the trunk of his car, just in case – while Olivia closed the door, then put the pizza on the counter and helped her get the stuff they'd need from drawers and cupboards. While they sat on the floor in front of the TV, eating, he asked her:

- Do you wanna talk about it?

She just stared at him in answer.

- Ya know, about... Denise... Carrie... You.

She sighed and turned away from him a bit.

- I'm fine, El.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Silence.

- Look at me, Liv – he asked gingerly.

Slowly, Olivia turned back and looked at him, her eyes filled with tears.

- Oh, Liv.

Elliot put their now empty plates on the floor and hugged her tightly. Olivia grabbed at his shirt while she sobbed.

- It's okay, Liv – he said while stroking her hair in a soothing manner. – It's okay, El's here.

After several minutes, she calmed down, but they remained silent. Elliot didn't let go of her and kept stroking her hair, until he realized her breath was even. He looked down and saw she had fallen asleep on his chest. He couldn't help but smile.

Olivia looked so peaceful that Elliot didn't have the heart to wake her up, so he lifted her on his arms and walked towards her bedroom. When he laid her down on the bed, though, he realized his partner still had her work clothes on. This was gonna be more than embarrassing.

After rummaging quickly through her drawers, Elliot found a pair of sweaters and one of his old NYPD's t-shirts. "This will have to do", he thought, as he sat down on the bed and lifted his partner's body.

Elliot couldn't explain why, but it felt natural, and not weird, having his half-naked, asleep partner on his arms. He remembered that, whenever Kathy asked him to help her change, he felt funny: he couldn't decide whether he felt shy or embarrassed, and Kathy was his wife. With Olivia, though, it felt natural.

After he had finished changing her clothes, he covered her with the blanket and kissed her forehead.

- Good night, Liv. Sweet dreams.

* * *

_**A/N: I'm not sure when I'll be able to update again, but, in the meantime, please review!**_


	16. Let Your Darker Side Give In

_**A/N: Well first and foremost I'd like to send my prayers to all the victims of the shooting at Sandy Hook and to their families. I've seen many tragedies, but this one made me feel like maybe the world would actually end on the 21**__**st**__**. And yes, I do realize that I'm more than a week late, but I also know that the families of the victims will never stop missing them.  
Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, added the story to favorites and/or started following it. I'm glad you like it, it really means a lot to me.  
And I found out these days that the 14**__**th**__** season of SVU is, according to Brazil's rules, only suitable to viewers above 18. I haven't watched it yet, but it must be really hard stuff.  
Law & Order SVU and its characters are property of Mr. Dick Wolf, yada yada yada. Now, let's get to our chapter.**_

* * *

The following morning, Olivia's heart felt lighter, though she was a little ashamed that she had let so much weakness show in front of Elliot. She was supposed to be worthy of Elliot's trust so they could do their job, but how could he trust her when she was so weak?

She was interrupted by a knock on the door.

- Liv, can I come in?

Shit. He was here? Why was he here? Yes, they usually spent Friday nights together watching bad movies after the divorce, but Elliot had never stayed around for the morning after.

- Yes, El, of course you can.

Elliot opened the door and walked in.

- How are you? – He asked gingerly.

- Fine.

- Oh, no, Liv, you don't get to do that. Don't hide away from me. I know you, and you're far from fine.

- What do you want me to say, Elliot? Do you want me to say that I feel awful? That listening to every single word that left Carrie's mouth made me go all the way back to a past that I hope someday I'll forget? You want me to tell you how I practically begged for Casey to plead her out, because I felt like I was arresting my 16-year-old self? Elliot, Carrie killed her own _mother_. She's a _murderer_. She's the perp, she's the villain, and yet here I am, feeling sorry for her.

- You felt for her what I'm damn sure many cops felt for you all those years ago, Liv. It's fine to feel bad for poor Carrie because, at the end of the day, she just wanted someone to love her and save her from the hell in which she lived.

"Just like me", Olivia thought, "but you weren't there to save me back then".

- Now, it's not that I don't like you being here – she said –, but I thought you were going home...?

- I couldn't. I wouldn't have been able to sleep if I didn't make sure you were alright.

Elliot realized she had changed the subject, but decided to simply follow suit instead of forcing her to speak. A lifetime of abuse and neglect wasn't exactly a fairytale childhood, and talking about it didn't make it any easier. In fact, it just made everything that much more real, and nobody deserved to live with that.

- Well, as you can see, I'm good now. You can go home, unless you're expecting to show up at court today wearing the same clothes you did yesterday. People may start talking, you know – she joked.

- You know what, Liv, I actually have already had a shower. I keep a duffle bag with clean clothes in my car just in case, so I made myself at home. But don't worry, I didn't use any of your stuff, just your water – he said, making her laugh. She hadn't even noticed he was wearing different clothes. – There's that smile – he smiled back at her.

- Thank you, El. For everything. I really do feel a lot better now - she said, meaning every word.

- My pleasure, Liv, and I'm glad you're feeling good. Now I'm going to get us some coffee while you get ready, okay?

Olivia nodded, and Elliot kissed her forehead before leaving.

On that day, especially, they felt more connected than they usually did. Elliot held her hand during all the hearing, and the silence between the two best friends was both comfortable and consoling, especially for Olivia. Though she wasn't able to bring her mother to justice anymore, it felt good to fight for kids in the same situation. That's why she had joined SVU after all.

* * *

- So, yes, mom. Even though I'll never be able to bring you to justice for all the times you hit me, I'm kind of happy about it. Because I understand it now. You were a victim just like me, and you were a victim twice: of him, and of yourself. You told me once that, if you hadn't been attacked, you probably wouldn't have had me. That is enough for me, mom. That told me everything. On that moment, I knew you were sorry for everything, and that you loved me more than you would ever be able to show. I love you, too. And I forgive you.

Olivia put the flowers she had bought in front of Serena's tombstone, stood up and walked out of the cemetery. When she walked through the gates of the main entrance, she spotted Elliot's car and walked towards it.

- How did you know I'd be here? – she asked, smiling, after closing the car door.

- I'm your partner – he joked. – It's kind of my duty to know your whereabouts. So, dinner?

- You payin'?

- Of course.

- Then let's roll, Mr. Stabler.

* * *

_**A/N: I'm not sure if I liked this ending :( but never mind. Please read and review. This is my last update of the year, so I wish you all have the best Christmas ever, and an amazing New Year! I'm going to NY for New Year's Eve, maybe I run into Mariska Hargitay or someone else from the SVU cast! LOL Can you imagine that? Well, a girl can dream... Happy Holidays!**_


	17. Save Me

_**A/N: Happy New Year! I hope everyone had amazing holidays. I spent the season at the US and before I traveled I had been told that Thanksgiving is much more important for Americans and because of that they didn't celebrate Christmas as much as we do here in Brazil. Such a lie, and I could kill who lied to me so blatantly. My first stop was Kentucky, where my sister currently studies at UK, in Lexington (if you're from KY, feel free to give me a heads up). We passed in front of some houses and I swear I could visualize Kathy coming out of each one of them, even though I was far from NY. We had no reservations for Christmas and all restaurants closed around 8 PM, so our dinner on that night consisted of McDonald's sandwiches. Being a Brazilian girl used to turkey and prayers, I'm not able to express my frustration, not to mention that eating meat on Christmas is probably a sin.  
On the 28**__**th**__**, we flew to NY. Fucking city is amazing. During my stay, I saw/heard more FDNY and NYPD cars than I expected to, but that's probably why we have 14 years (still counting) of sex crimes. Now that I mentioned how many years it's been, I can't help but wonder that if Chris Meloni hadn't left maybe Liv and El would've taken the next step on their relationship – almost twenty years in the force, who knows how much damage it would've caused to El and Kathy's marriage.  
Huge author's note, now let's get to our chapter. SVU ain't mine, blah blah blah.**_

* * *

- How could you?

- I didn't mean to! I'm nothing like those men, you know it! You know _me_!

- I thought so, Elliot – a very disappointed Kathy said. – But all you told me was lies. You lied to me for more than twenty years.

And just like that, she was gone.

- El? – A much softer voice called him. – Elliot?

- Liv! – He practically screamed, turning around to find his partner looking at him tenderly. – Liv, please, you have to believe me, you know I wouldn't...

He tried to reach for her, but he couldn't. He was cuffed and he was... Inside the holding cell at the 16th precinct.

- I know, El, I know. I... I believe you. You did what you had to do. Everything's gonna be fine – she smiled kindly.

Elliot sat up on his bed, his heart racing.

Every night since the first group therapy session he had attended on this undercover operation he had the same... Was it a dream or a nightmare? Sure, all the things Kathy told him scared the shit out of him, but then there was Olivia... She understood it, she understood _him_; she always did, in a way no one had ever been able to. She made sure he never lost himself and it was a good thing, because despite all the advice from Huang, all his experience as a police officer and the numerous times he had been undercover, this time he was afraid he'd change forever. Not that he'd become a perp – for God's sake, he was an SVU detective with four kids –, but being in the same room with another 7 rapists, listening to their sick stories and knowing there was nothing he could do about them, it hurt him. It made him so angry that he wanted to destroy his room at Ritz at the end of each day. But he couldn't. He had to keep it cool so that they could get Ray Schenkle before he attacked another girl, but it was too much of a struggle for Elliot to pretend he was okay with what he heard. He was scared one day he would be sick during the group therapy and then all the efforts from his squad would be in vain. He simply couldn't let that happen.

Also, there was Olivia. In his dreams, when she said she trusted him, it looked like she wanted to say something else, then changed her mind and said 'trust'. And this was driving him out of his mind – was it his subconscious telling him that half of what people insisted to say was true and Olivia was in love with him? Was it some kind of deep, unknown wishful thinking? Was _he_ in love with Olivia? God, he needed help.

Hopefully, it would all end sooner rather than later. That's what he thought while walking out of the building where the meetings occurred. The shrink had held him after the session was over, and the guy seemed pretty pissed because "Mack", Elliot's alias' nickname, wasn't very talkative during the sessions. Elliot, of course, tried to be as evasive as possible and still answer the shrink's questions. Well, what could he say? "I'm sorry, doc, I'm an undercover SVU detective trying to catch a rapist who's in this group before he attacks someone else, which I'm sure he will when the time is appropriate"? Please. This would cost not only his badge, but the whole operation and SVU's credibility. IAB would eat their asses out and everyone would lose their jobs. Sure, Fin could go back to Narcotics, John and Cragen could even retire, but Olivia was born to work at SVU. She would hate him.

There she was again. Olivia. Unfortunately, Elliot realized he would have no time to think about what a mess his feelings for his partner were, because Schenkle had caught a girl. That was exactly what he was supposed to avoid and now he couldn't do a damn thing to stop it without letting out he was actually a cop, not a rapist. Then Schenkle would kill him, rape the girl the same way, probably get away with it since there would be no undercover cop to stop him somehow and everything would be in vain.

But, apparently, luck was half on his side and Schenkle was in a voyeur mood. A half-assed apology about performance anxiety and Elliot was alone with the girl. He let his mind wander while watching Schenkle carefully. He could save this girl from being raped, yes, but would she ever trust a man again? After Elliot told her he was a cop, would she ever trust the police again?

Now, though, was not the time to think about it. Schenkle decided to pay attention to something else for a few seconds, and both Elliot and the girl ran as fast as they could. She managed to escape and that was enough – he was sure she would go look for help, and he'd been dealing with perps for long enough to push the right buttons and gain some time with this lowlife Schenkle while waiting for backup.

After an awful lot of "aggressive negotiation", Elliot had managed to overpower him and make him pass out. He heard Olivia calling his name from outside. "Right on time", he thought, with a relieved sigh.

He wasn't thinking straight, there was a rush on his ears, but he could see from a distance Olivia talking to the girl. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what they were talking about and what had happened when Schenkle had her all for himself on the back of the van but, all of a sudden, the noise was gone and Elliot heard her say:

- Tried to rape me.

The terrified look on Olivia's eyes when she turned to him assured he had heard it right. He wasn't so sure, though, that they were talking about Ray.

"_Your dreams are much darker, aren't they? You try to hide the evil inside, but I know it's there. I can smell it."_

Not able to take those words and Olivia's expression out of his mind, Elliot got inside a car and closed the door.

* * *

- El?

- Oh, hi, Liv. Didn't see you were there.

She got inside the car and sat right next to him.

- You okay? – Olivia asked in what could only be defined as a careful manner.

"She's afraid of me", Elliot thought, sadly.

- Will be. How about the girl?

- Her name's Amy, Fin's taking her home. She said you saved her life, Elliot, is that so?

- No, uh, well, I just helped her escape but...

Olivia put her right hand on the back of his neck, which made Elliot stop talking immediately.

- You did it. He'll never attack anyone again, and that's all thanks to you – she smiled. – Come on, I'll let you crash on my couch tonight.

With those words, she started the car and they headed back to Upper West Side.

"_I believe you. Everything's gonna be fine. I love you"._

* * *

_**A/N: What can I say, "Demons" is a personal favorite. Raise your hand if you've ever imagined what happened after Elliot was 'rescued' on this episode \o I really liked this chapter. Please review!**_


	18. History Is Made At Night

_**A/N: Thank you for your reviews! My dear Amanda4Meloni asked for a "talk" chapter so here it is, honey, but keep in mind that things just aren't that easy with El and Liv (=  
I re-watched half of the 11**__**th**__** season between yesterday and today and I must say that I hated Sonya Paxton and Alex in some episodes. I mean, I get it that Sonya was alcoholic and everything (even though I haven't decided if it cuts it – all that horrible comments about Liv's mom!), but Alex had no excuses. As much as it hurts me, I was happy in that episode (I think it was "Turmoil") when Liv tells Alex she filed a request for a new ADA due to professional ethics issues. That's when Alex finally got a grip.  
Law & Order SVU and its characters are property of Mr. Dick Wolf. As if we didn't know that already.**_

* * *

- You wanna talk about it?

They were at Olivia's living room, sitting on the floor, facing the window and the small balcony. Each of them had a bottle of beer on their hands. The only light in the room came from the full moon that brightened the sky.

- No.

- Elliot...

- No, don't, don't start with me, don't you "Elliot" me, Liv.

- Just say something. Anything.

- Stop shrinking me.

- I'm not shrinking you.

- Then what is it?

Silence.

- How long have we been partners, Elliot?

- What does it even have to do with...

- Answer me – she said poignantly.

Elliot sighed.

- Seven years.

- And when we first started as partners, how long did it take us to be best friends?

- A few minutes.

- Yes – she remained silent for a few more moments. – As your partner, I saw you in some situations your best friend should never have to, and as your best friend I stayed by your side in ways a partner isn't even allowed. It goes both ways and I know that. I'm not going anywhere, El.

After a couple minutes, Elliot took a deep breath.

- What did she say?

- What did who say, El?

- The girl, Amy. That's her name, right? – Olivia nodded. – What did she tell you?

- She said that Schenkle terrified her and that you saved her life, but when she ran away she immediately regretted it because she feared for yours. She had already lost all her hope of ever making it out of that storage house alive but then you said you were a cop and told her to run.

- She makes me look like some kind of prince charming – Elliot laughed bitterly. – Hope you don't think I showed up in a shining armor riding a white horse.

Olivia laughed, and when she stopped laughing she added:

- She made it, and it's all thanks to you.

Elliot took a sip from the beer in his hands.

- What if he never got another girl? What if he was actually getting better?

- What, you're having second thoughts now?

- I just keep wondering if he was actually fighting these... Impulses, and then I came and threw him off the wagon.

- I don't know about you, El, but it seems to me that if you managed to throw him off the wagon, then he wasn't fighting back hard enough. Elliot, you've been in Special Victims for twelve years. How many pedophiles and serial rapists have you seen that got out of jail and never attacked anyone again? If there were any, I bet you could count them using the fingers of only one hand. For twelve years. These men are sick, and you know prison doesn't make things any easier. Some of them come back even worse than they were.

A couple minutes passed after he spoke again.

- Liv...

Olivia's face lit up when she finally understood what this was all about.

- You said all of this stuff, but what's really keeping you up at night is not Ray Schenkle. Is it, El?

Elliot sighed.

- After the first group therapy session I started having this... Nightmare. I was inside the holding cell at the precinct and Kathy would point fingers at me, tell me that I had lied to her and that I was just like them; Munch and Fin would sit on their desks and glance at me once in a while in that way we look at perps...

"And then there was you telling me that you believed me and everything was gonna be okay and suddenly everything got brighter', Elliot thought, "but of course I can't tell you that because I'm not sure what it means and you're gonna kick my ass."

Olivia flinched inside when she heard Kathy's name.

"Why is he even thinking about her? I mean... I get it that he still loves her, but she left. And she took the kids", Olivia thought. "Christ, Olivia, get a grip. Don't be jealous. Remember, she's still his wife, he didn't sign the papers yet".

_How can you be so sure?_

There was that stupid inner voice Olivia tried her best to ignore since Elliot told her that Kathy had left.

"He would have told me."

_Would he?_

"Why _wouldn't_ he?"

_I don't know, you're the detective around here._

"Shut up."

- Elliot... Undercover operations are one of the hardest parts of being a detective. Maybe that was just your subconscious making sure Elliot McEvoy didn't... Overcome... Elliot Stabler.

- So you are shrinking me – Elliot said with a laugh.

- No, I'm not. That's really not my thing. Psychology classes were one of my favorite parts of Siena, though.

They both laughed and Elliot yawned.

- God, that couch looks inviting – Elliot said after looking at it.

- I bet it does – they stood up. – Good night, El – Olivia kissed his cheek and he hugged her.

- Good night, Liv – Elliot said after letting her go.

Hell yeah, it was gonna be a great night. Everything was actually gonna be fine after all.

* * *

_**A/N: I wish they offered psychology classes to Law school at the college I study :( **__**as a future ADA that would be very interesting to me.  
This one was hard. I couldn't make it superficial, but I couldn't make it too deep either because we all know El and Liv's M. O.: things get too deep, they run. I hope y'all liked it! Please review!**_


	19. Heart To Heart

_**A/N: Well hello everyone! I'm sorry it took me so long to update this story; I admit I've been kinda lazy with it... I believe we've all watched "Ripped", from season 7, right? What if Elliot had gone to Liv after talking to Dr. Hendrix? Read to find out :)  
I don't know if any of you guys has heard of it – you probably have – but there has been a fire in a night club here in Brazil on Saturday night/Sunday dawn and over 200 people died, most (if not all) of them students at the local university. Apparently, the band that was playing made a performance with some kind of firework, this firework reached the ceiling – which was made of an inflammable material that prevented the sound from going out and bothering the neighborhood – and the fire started. The club wasn't exactly up to date with the rules of the fire department, and there was only one way out. I'd like to send my prayers to the families and, if you don't mind, I ask you to do the same.  
Meh, I don't own them. If I did, it would have been Elliot's hand that Liv was holding on that episode. And Elliot wouldn't have left at all.**_

* * *

Today, for the first time in seven years, she had been afraid of Elliot.

Not exactly of Elliot himself, no – she was afraid _for_ him. In court, he had followed Pete Breslin to the bathroom only to find him beating the shit out of his son, Luke. Something had clicked inside her partner – what it had been, she would find out hours later – and suddenly he was the one beating Pete. It took three officers to get Elliot off of him, and he ran into Olivia on his way out of the bathroom. She doubted, at that time, that he was seeing anything but red, and that's when her fear rose. When she left, though, he was nowhere to be seen, so she simply went home to get ready – she had a date.

They were halfway through their meals when Olivia's phone rang. Seeing Elliot's name on the screen, she excused herself from the table.

- I'm sorry, Craig, I have to take it.

- Sure, go ahead.

She grabbed her phone and walked until she was sure Craig couldn't hear her before answering.

- Benson.

_- Liv, it's me. Where are you?_

- Out. I'm on a date, El – she said softly. – Why? We got called in?

_- No, I... Uh... You know what, never mind..._

She could feel, by the way he sounded, that her answer had taken him by surprise.

- Where are you, El?

Silence.

- Elliot?

_- At your door_ – he whispered.

- I'll be right there.

* * *

Olivia opened the door and Elliot walked inside behind her.

- Sunflowers? Really? – He scoffed, seeing the vase that sat on her table. – This Craig guy really knows how to be romantic.

- Oh, El, come on, give the guy a break, he's trying! – She said with a smile. – Besides, he's really nice.

She sat down on the couch and motioned for him to do the same, and then she added softly:

– But you're not here to talk about my flowers, are you, El?

Elliot sighed.

- About today, I... I'm sorry. I don't know what happened, I just... – He sighed again.

- It's okay, El, take your time.

"Just keep talking, please, I want to help you", Olivia thought, feeling a little desperate. It hurt her seeing Elliot struggle so hard with himself.

Elliot rubbed his hands up and down his face and took a deep breath.

- On my way to the bathroom I ran into this guy who said there were two people fighting inside; I told him to go get help and ran down the aisle. When I opened the door I looked down and saw Pete beating the hell out of Luke but what I saw, what I _actually_ saw, was... – He drew in another breath, trying his best not to cry. – Do you remember that diorama thing we had to build in a shoe box?

- Yes – Olivia said with a small laugh. – Of course I do.

Elliot gave her the tiniest smile ever in return.

- When I was on 5th grade, I had to do one of those things; it was about the Civil War. And I remember my dad helped me do it, he told me where to put the threes, the soldiers, the cannons... Everything. I remember that on the day I was supposed to hand it in, I walked out of my house holding out the diorama so that everyone could see it. I was so proud that my daddy had helped me, I was so happy... But I moved one tree. One fucking tree. And my father saw it.

Elliot's voice hitched. Olivia braced herself.

- He yanked it out of my hands and threw it on the floor and stomped on it until there was nothing left but pieces of cardboard and dirty, smashed paper. When I saw what he was doing I started crying. I begged him to stop. "No, daddy, please, don't do this!". But he wouldn't listen to me. Instead, when he was done he took off his belt and came to me. I ran, but he cornered me and started beating me with it.

Olivia simply remained silent.

- He called me weak, a failure and asked me if I was a pansy. I told him no and he just hit me harder. "Yes, you are", he said. "Because you're crying and only pansies cry".

Both Olivia and Elliot had tears in their eyes at this point. After several moments, she spoke.

- Is that what you saw today? You had a flashback? – She asked gingerly.

- I was okay at first, all I could think of was taking them away from each other, but then Pete said... He said Luke was a loser. And then I snapped. Next thing I know, I'm looking at the mirror. For one split second, I saw... I saw him. And it scared the shit out of me.

Olivia couldn't stop herself from hugging him. She blinked, allowing the tears to fall and her wet shoulder told her Elliot had done the same. She wasn't sure what to say. He clung to her harder as he sobbed and her heart broke.

- Elliot...

- I felt relieved when he died, Liv.

- I can imagine. But, you know... Like you told me once, that doesn't define who you are. You may have lost control once, which parent hasn't? But it was once, and then it was over, and I know it kills you inside until today. You are not you father, Elliot. And you're not weak, neither a failure.

"You're a great man, and I love you", Olivia thought.

They held each other and cried together for a long time. When Elliot felt calm enough, he decided to go home.

I'm sorry you had to dump your date, Liv, I just... I didn't know where to go.

- It's okay, El. I'm glad you came to me.

- Will he make it to a second date?

- I don't know.

- I hope he does. He's a nice guy, and he's clean, you know. Not even a parking ticket.

- Elliot! – She smiled.

- What? I did nothing wrong.

- You're an ass. So that's what you're doing while suspended?

- What can I say, I've got a lot of free time – he smirked. – Bye, Liv – he hugged her lovingly. – Thank you.

* * *

_**A/N: Writing this chapter was a little heartbreaking. I hope you like it, though :) Please review!**_


	20. Your Heart Was On It's Own

_**A/N: Yes, I know I've neglected this story for far too long and I'm sorry. Law School has been a bitch and, do you guys remember the attorney's office I told you about? They hired me! I start working there next Monday, but I kind of regret it now.  
The speech on italics is flashbacks.  
Dick Wolf owns Law & Order SVU and the characters.**_

* * *

There was just so much one could take.

Not more than three weeks ago he was discreetly freaking out about her having a date with a control-freak serial rapist. Five days ago, he had held her in his arms in the middle of Grand Central Station while her neck was bleeding. Later, that same day, he was a dick and said things he didn't mean to and ripped her heart to pieces.

"_- I can't be looking over my shoulder and making sure you're okay._"

As if it wasn't enough, he went on and stomped on the shattered pieces with all his might.

"-_ I need to know you can do your job and not wait for me to come to the rescue!_"

And now he was paying the price.

At first, he tried to convince himself that it was all her fault, that she somehow made him choose her instead of Ryan Clifford. Smart as every time, though Elliot wouldn't always admit it, Dr. George Huang told him the truth he already knew – it hadn't, in any way, been Olivia's fault – and made it that much harder to keep lying to himself.

But then there was the incident at the warehouse. He secretly hoped Olivia wouldn't take the shot; he told her otherwise simply because it was the right thing to do.

"_- What about me?_"

Those three words, said in a choked whisper, got to him much easier than anything she had said, yelled or even screamed at him on their fights through the last seven years. He knew what it meant – with him dead, she would be alone all over again, and even after a lifetime of neglect, this would break her beyond repair.

It's not that he was bragging about how important he was on her life – he just felt exactly the same way.

After Kathy left and took the kids, he was living at that huge house in Queens all by himself. He'd come to work expecting to see Olivia, talk to her, and then he'd come back home hoping they would get a case or that the night would fly by so he didn't have to wait much longer to see his best friend again.

He was kind of dependant on her. He had always been.

But now, he didn't even get a couple minutes with her.

* * *

"_- Olivia, what's up?_

_- I want a new partner."_

Of course Cragen had asked for a decent explanation, and Olivia did her best without revealing that her relationship with Elliot, both friendship and partnership, was shattered to tiny pieces, as was her heart. The captain knew Elliot had been extremely rude towards her after Ryan died, so with a few words from Olivia he assumed she had had enough of her partner's shitty temper. There were no appliances for SVU at the moment, and putting her with Munch and Fin would make things weird, despite the fact they would still see and talk to each other every day and that's exactly what Olivia didn't want, so Cragen made a few phone calls and Olivia was set to start on Computer Crimes the next day.

"_- Well, Liv, I'm very sorry but I can't say I'm happy for you. You're one of my best detectives and, truth to be told, I hate to see you go. I wish there was something I could do to stop it._

_Olivia sighed._

_- I know cap, I'm not happy either, but... It's for the best. And actually, there is something you can do._

_Cragen waited patiently, in silence._

_- Get him help, cap. He's a wonderful guy but sometimes he's just... – she trailed off, hoping Cragen would understand what she meant. He did._

_- I can imagine. If you don't mind me asking, if you and Elliot ever get to see eye to eye again, can I expect you to come back?_

_Olivia thought for a moment and Cragen feared she would say no._

_- Yes, captain – she gave him a small smile. – Of course you can._"

The days at Computer Crimes were endless.

Of course there was a bright side – no more getting in touch with emotionally destroyed victims, the only blood she saw was when some creep posted inappropriate photos online and she ran into it or investigated its source, and there were absolutely no tears. And she didn't have a partner.

That was both a bright and a dark side.

Her colleagues were kind and talkative, but she missed that feeling of complicity she had with Elliot, the way they communicated with one look... Everything. But at the same time she couldn't come back. She was into him too deep for things to be what they were before. Besides, he was the one to push her away.

"– _What about me?_"

He never answered that.

* * *

- Forgive me, father Frysson, it's been two years since my last confession. These are my sins. I've been selfish, disrespectful, I lost my temper... For these and all my sins I'm truly sorry.

- After two years, that's it? Why don't you tell me what's really bothering you, Elliot?

"It's Olivia", he thought. "She hasn't showed up at work ever since Gitano and she won't answer her phone. Today I walked in and her desk was empty. Cragen keeps stopping me from going to her place. I'm worried. I think I screwed up big time".

- It's like I keep losing people.

- Like your family?

- My family... My kids... Friends.

- You said 'friends'. You mean someone at work?

"Yes. God, I can't lose her. She's the one thing that keeps me straight on my feet".

His cell phone rang and he read Cragen's name on the screen. He bid farewell to father Frysson and left the church.

At the crime scene, he met his new partner, Lucius Blaine from Queens SVU. The guy scared their victim, called him "Detective Sensitive", and annoyed him in many ways. When they headed back to the squad, Elliot went to talk to Cragen. The captain didn't offer a very good explanation – "you needed a break from each other", I mean, please –, but now he knew where Olivia was. Computer Crimes. He didn't feel like chasing her or anything, though. He knew she wouldn't want it and he felt more at ease knowing she was okay.

After paying a visit to the victim's school, they brought in two suspects for interrogation, a boy and a girl, and while interrogating the girl they didn't see eye to eye. Blaine lied to her and told her she'd get immunity if she talked, but that decision was actually up to Casey. That did it for Elliot but, as if it wasn't enough, Blaine told him the words that have haunted him ever since Olivia disappeared.

- No wonder your partner dumped you.

Elliot didn't even listen to the rest of the things Blaine said, but it didn't matter. He was going to make his so-called partner swallow every single letter that left his mouth. Some uniforms that were around acted quickly and, by the time Cragen got to the hallway, they were apart already. Elliot headed to the locker room to change his clothes.

"It was one of her favorites", he thought, and looked at his shirt sadly. He turned around and there she was. Elliot wanted to smile, but controlled himself.

As if reading his thoughts, she said:

- I like that shirt.

The woman left without as much as a word and when she comes back that's what he gets? "I like that shirt"? Really, Olivia? What was she doing here anyway? Was she coming back?

- I heard about what happened between you and Blaine.

"Come on, Liv, give a guy a straight answer", Elliot thought, frustrated.

"Cragen called me, begging me to come around at least to help you get a grip", she thought, "but for some reason I think you don't want to know that".

- What can I tell you, he's a prick – "He's not you".

Elliot approached her and, once again, Olivia was afraid to get lost on the ocean that were his beautiful blue eyes.

- Why didn't you tell me?

"Tell you what? That I love you? That I have since... Since I can't even say when?"

- I'm sorry. I should've talked to you. It's just... It got too complicated.

- Thanks for dropping by – Elliot dismissed her, the hurt in his voice barely hidden.

Olivia sighed and simply let him leave.

Later that week, the case was closed after a huge twist, and Blaine left. Once more, Elliot was left staring at an empty desk, wondering when his life had become such a mess.

* * *

_**A/N: Oh, well. Maybe this wasn't the way I wanted it to be at the beginning, I wanted to talk more about "Fault" and Gitano and less about "Fat", but "Fault" has been done to death so I think it's a good thing. Please review! And I'm starting a new fic today; a compilation of one-shots based on Taylor Swift's songs. I don't know what it will be called yet, but watch out :)**_


	21. Home Will Be Where The Heart Is

_**A/N: Uh... So, hello everyone. I can't even say how sorry I am for this long delay. Work and college took over. My apologies if this chapter isn't the best, I just need to get my mind back in track with this story.  
SVU and its characters ain't mine.**_

* * *

Elliot was tired. He had had enough; he wanted his real partner and best friend back.

Dani Beck was pretty and they had kissed, but that was all. On their first case together, which had also been her first case at SVU, she turned her back to a victim, went straight to the point while questioning the suspect instead of trying to read him first, didn't listen to O'Halloran when he said he wasn't sure about the first print he had found and also she was rude with a cop from Queens SVU. Elliot needed no further evidence that this was not going to work.

_- Did she, uh, tell you anything about our conversation last night? – O'Halloran asked._

_- Just that you got a match on Barry Cole. Why? – Elliot said._

_- Because I told her I wasn't done processing all the prints when she called._

_- You saying it's not Barry?_

_- The Jaguar where we found the prints on was a rental so I called the rent agency: Barry works there processing cars._

_- Okay, so he borrowed one to do the rape._

_- I don't think so. The only place I found his prints was the passenger's side window._

_- Our guy was hiding next to the driver's side – Elliot said shocked._

_- Also, your guy was probably crouched like this – O'Halloran knelt down. – Touching the car, he keeps balance – he planted the tip of his ten fingers on the wall – like this._

_- Did you find that pattern on the Jag?_

_- Ten perfect fingertips – he said and handed a picture to Elliot._

_- In the system?_

_- He's not on AFIS, he doesn't have criminal record, but he's in the State's system. Name's Martin Trenway, printed back in 77 when he became Assistant District Attorney here in Manhattan._

_- Did you tell her that?_

_- Sure, I called her back, but... Barry Cole's got a record, so she thought he'd be good for it – Elliot turned around to walk back inside – Hey, hey, whoa, I don't wanna cause any problems._

_- You just saved our asses – Elliot tranquilized him and walked in._

He had gotten so pissed. No wonder Cragen had told him she was overzealous and also no wonder why her captain on Warrants dumped her.

During the same investigation, Elliot had interviewed the girl Dani turned her back to and found out she had been a victim of the same perp five years earlier. He was walking the girl outside the room and she saw Dani putting her pictures on the board. Elliot quickly got John to walk her outside and went to talk to Dani.

_- What are you doing? – Dani asked while she watched Elliot pull the pictures out of the board._

_- That woman just relived the worst experience of her life. She doesn't need to see the way she looked that night – he walked away._

His partner, his real partner would never do such things. Not even when she was just a rookie.

In the beginning, he seriously thought that the sight of Olivia's empty desk across from his would drive him crazy, so meeting his new partner made him really glad. Now, though, he couldn't wait for Liv to come back, even if waiting for her meant he'd look at an empty desk until the day he died or retired. He missed Olivia's sensibility towards the victims, the way she handled perps, her sweetness when talking to kids, her smile, her laughter, her touch, her smell... No, he'd have to be especially careful with some of these wistful thoughts.

One thing he knew, though. He and Olivia were messed up and they were messed up hard. After what happened with Gitano, she ran away and he still didn't know why – of course, he didn't believe that "we needed a break from each other" bullshit at all, not a single word of it. But when she came back, they didn't talk about it either. Hell, he talked to Huang about what happened but they couldn't solve the issue themselves. Olivia behaved as if nothing had happened and Elliot just followed suit. Talking had never been one of his best abilities, anyway.

On the other hand, he couldn't help but feel his pride was a little hurt. I mean, yes, he did miss Olivia, but she had left. She was the one to hang off the phone the moment he had said "hello". She had been the one to run away after Gitano had had him at gunpoint.

_Maybe if you hadn't been an ass to her at the hospital she wouldn't have run._

"Oh, shut the fuck up".

* * *

- Elliot... Elliot... Hm...

This had to be a dream. They couldn't be this close, in such situation. His voice in her ear, whispering he loved her, loving her so passionately yet so slowly...

- Hey, who's Elliot?

"Really?"

- What?

- You've been mumbling the name _Elliot_ all night.

"Ugh. Maybe it's a good thing I'm on the other side of the country", Olivia thought.

She didn't know what had gotten into her.

_Oh, Olivia, please. You do know what's happening to you, you just won't admit it._

"I have nothing to admit."

_Really? You're gonna do that to me? You're gonna do that to yourself?_

"There's nothing wrong with me."

_I never said it was wrong._

"Okay, so I miss home. What's the big deal? I miss the precinct, I miss my friends, I miss Munch's crappy coffee..."

_That much?_

"Anything related to New York. I hate this place."

_Elliot?_

"Well, of course I miss him, he's my best friend!"

_Let me tell ya something, honey. That dream you just had? I really doubt best friends do that._

- I didn't say anything else, did I?

- No – Hope answered.

- You sure?

- All I could make out was "Elliot". So spill it, who is he?

_The love of her life. _

"Shut up."

_She still needs to find out, but he is._

- Nobody.

- It didn't sound like nobody. Elliot... Elliot – Hope tried to copy Olivia's tone.

"Oh, God."

* * *

_**A/N: Always wondered what Liv was dreaming of when she was at the hospital. Haven't we all? LOL please review!**_


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